Everybody wants love, friendship, a career, a home, a family... To sum it up... Everyone wants abundance in every area of their life. But have you ever thought about the dysfunction that you are living with in your life? Could that dysfunction be preventing you from getting the stable, functioning things you want?
Well I can only speak on my dysfunction that's preventing me from getting what I want. Like true love... I know some do not believe in true love anymore but I believe therefore it's possible for me to acquire it. But back to the subject, I want true, lasting, blissful love. My whole process of finding myself over a year ago was to step back from my not so great relationship with my ex and find out why I allowed myself to be treated so badly. I've discovered this truth that I was seeking and now know why.
But somehow unexpectedly, I've become so enticed in feelings of romance and friendship a couple of months ago, I forgot something crucial. All romantic developments will end abruptly because of the dysfunctional situation I live in. No guy can accept or deal with my living arrangement, at first they might understand it but ultimately in the end they will leave me. I can't say I can blame them because at the end of the day, it's a hard situation to deal with. So I may want functional but I'm living as if I love dysfunctional. Actions are louder to the universe than words.
I live with acceptance of my situation which prevents me to want to change it faster. I want a great job but don't look for one like I should. I want my own apartment but need a good job to get the apartment. My dysfunctional situation is pushing all the functional things away that want to enter into my life. So what do I do? Well I know what I need to do but fear of change is stopping me, or I'm allowing it to stop me from making the necessary changes that are inevitable.
I wish I could just win the jackpot, that would make things so simple. But I know this falls all on me, every single step. My emotional and physical attachments are whats holding me here but spiritually I know I have to eventually leave to evolve into what I want to become. I've grown so much spiritually because spiritual growth only happens within but if you want changes on the outside you have to do that outwardly. Dysfunction disappears when you want it to from the changes you make.
I know what I have to do, truth is I've always known what I needed to do. But the question to myself is when will I do it?
Until next time:)
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