After looking through the bible and researching different point of views on this topic. I will start with the actually and only verse prohibiting tattoos; Leviticus 19:28 "Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the lord". Yes, that means tattoos too. The hebrew words for marks are "Kethobeth" which means "imprint" and "Qaaqa" which means "incision, imprint, and tattoo". So does that mean tattoos are sinnful?
Well lets look at the history to understand the context of ancient tattoos. Ancient Egyptians practiced many rituals deep rooted in pagan and heathen worship (multiple gods), witchcraft and sorcery. This wasn't only in Egypt but was practiced in the whole world at that time. Now if you understand bible history, the reason why the Israelites was choosen as God's people was because, even though, they was enlaved by the Egyptians most still believed in the true God of their fore father Joesph. Now the Egyptians were very violent with their grief in mourning. They would rip their hair out, mutilate their bodies with cutting and burning. Also they marked their bodies with things and people they worshipped and written names of dead relatives. Now these rituals was their culture and the Israelites was apart of that culture for 400 years of slavery. So when God took them out of Egypt, God had to put in place laws so that the people would stay in alignment with God. Hence, when Moses was taken too long on the mountain (receiving the commandments), the Israelites retreated back to pagan rituals and build a golden calf. So God gave Moses the ten commandments plus 603 (moral codes, restrictions, commands) to keep the people on the right path. After all the miracles and being freed from bondage, the Hebrews was so deeply in pagan worship. So God made the laws as a protection from themselves. It was everything that wasn't rituals for pagan worship. So the the Hebrews had to obey the laws or the consequence was death or punishment. This was hundred of thousands of people not just one or two. They had to be molded back into being one with the true God.
Now if you look at the verses before like in verse 26 says "do not eat meat that has not been drained of it's own blood" and verse 27 says "ye shall not cut the corners of thy hair or the mars of thy beard". Today the majority of people do not eat kosher and people are still getting haircuts but are not worshipping pagan gods. In ancient times these things were all associated with pagan rituals, today it's just not.
Moses came to bring the Hebrews to God through obedience and law. Jesus came so everyone could receive God through love, belief in him, and faith. I believe we should still follow the ten commandments and know right from wrong (morals). In the new testament, Jesus said only through him can you be saved. We shouldn't be judging anyone for what they do. I think if you feel in your heart that your tattoo is in no way worshipping something other than God and you feel right about it... go for it.
I do believe you should stay away from Godly or heavenly images (trinity, angels, Jesus). We have no way of knowing how God or angels look, so why tattoo something that is man made of something Godly? Plus it goes into one of the commandments about graven images. Also crosses... thousands of people was crucified by the Romans and I'm sure Jesus didn't want to be remembered by earthly objects that has no true meaning. Tattooing dead love ones names, this is one of the reasons God forbid markings, it's part of worshipping...it's part of death. Speaking of death, tattoos of skeltons, mutilated bodies, coffins...anything associated with death. I don't believe you should put any names on your bodies period but I know so many people have so I wont go there. Hope this helps...didn't wanna go super deep because this post is long already.
Until next time:)
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Why it's so hard for a woman to let go?
R Kelly song is very much true. When a woman is in love, it's not make pretend, it's the real thing. She really loves for real. We tend to get so caught up in a guy that we begin to lose ourself. Everything is on max for us, our love, trust, unrational thinking, everything. We blind ourself to the bad and only see the good side of things. We become good at making excuses or not facing the reality. Our loyalty is on an unbelievable level, we stay through thick and thin.
It's a woman loyalty that makes it hard to let go. We get so wrapped up in a guy when we fall in love that we stay no matter what. Our loyalty makes it so hard to make us not want to start over. We start believing that our love will change the man we are with. That with time and effort and love we can change him into what we want him to be. So we stick it out through the good, bad, and really ugly, hoping things will change.
Women fall so deep in love, that it's really unconceivable.
We can want to leave you but we will stay. You can treat us like crap and we will still stand by you. You can beats us and we will pray our love will change you. You can cheat and lie and we will tell you we won't take it but still be there years later. They say don't play with a woman's heart because our emotions get the best of us.
Truly all logic goes out the window, it's all emotions for us. And sadly our emotions tells us to stay when we really need to go. We will put up with so much before we snap back to reality and logically perceive the true nature of the situation. We will give you all the love we have as it drains the happiness away from our bodies. We will give you the last of our being until we are walking zombies. You may even ask yourself... Why the hell do she stay? It's because the love she feels for you is overwhelming and she can't let you go. Now I'm not talking about when it's just comfortable for her to stay with you (babies, lifestyle, money) that's not being in love. I'm talking about when there's little reason to why she's still with you.
Now when a woman does finally let go of you, you will notice. She will be feed up with all your dirt and become unrecognizable to you. Seriously you won't even be able to get a hug. You will be able to tell she's done. OR she will be filled with so much hatered towards you. The Bible warns of this "Hell has no fiery like a woman scorn." It will be like she's became a VooDoo witch overnight. Again, we act on our emotions and if our heart is broken bad we can be like a stranger or a nightmare.
I say if you are not serious or don't want a serious relationship, tell her off back. If you got a wifey and you messing around be single. Don't drag a woman's emotions through a rocky road just let her go to be love by someone that can love her back. Don't damage her perception of love because you are a fool. If you are asking yourself.. why hasn't she left me?.. then maybe you should let her go. Stop waiting for her to let you go or keep her holding on until you're ready to change. Let it go because at the end of it all you will be left with three bad outcomes a comfortable woman (don't care what you do as long as she's taken care of). A feed up woman (a stranger that don't want you near her and secretly hates you). Or a scorn woman (the female reincarnation of the devil).
Until next time:)
It's a woman loyalty that makes it hard to let go. We get so wrapped up in a guy when we fall in love that we stay no matter what. Our loyalty makes it so hard to make us not want to start over. We start believing that our love will change the man we are with. That with time and effort and love we can change him into what we want him to be. So we stick it out through the good, bad, and really ugly, hoping things will change.
Women fall so deep in love, that it's really unconceivable.
We can want to leave you but we will stay. You can treat us like crap and we will still stand by you. You can beats us and we will pray our love will change you. You can cheat and lie and we will tell you we won't take it but still be there years later. They say don't play with a woman's heart because our emotions get the best of us.
Truly all logic goes out the window, it's all emotions for us. And sadly our emotions tells us to stay when we really need to go. We will put up with so much before we snap back to reality and logically perceive the true nature of the situation. We will give you all the love we have as it drains the happiness away from our bodies. We will give you the last of our being until we are walking zombies. You may even ask yourself... Why the hell do she stay? It's because the love she feels for you is overwhelming and she can't let you go. Now I'm not talking about when it's just comfortable for her to stay with you (babies, lifestyle, money) that's not being in love. I'm talking about when there's little reason to why she's still with you.
Now when a woman does finally let go of you, you will notice. She will be feed up with all your dirt and become unrecognizable to you. Seriously you won't even be able to get a hug. You will be able to tell she's done. OR she will be filled with so much hatered towards you. The Bible warns of this "Hell has no fiery like a woman scorn." It will be like she's became a VooDoo witch overnight. Again, we act on our emotions and if our heart is broken bad we can be like a stranger or a nightmare.
I say if you are not serious or don't want a serious relationship, tell her off back. If you got a wifey and you messing around be single. Don't drag a woman's emotions through a rocky road just let her go to be love by someone that can love her back. Don't damage her perception of love because you are a fool. If you are asking yourself.. why hasn't she left me?.. then maybe you should let her go. Stop waiting for her to let you go or keep her holding on until you're ready to change. Let it go because at the end of it all you will be left with three bad outcomes a comfortable woman (don't care what you do as long as she's taken care of). A feed up woman (a stranger that don't want you near her and secretly hates you). Or a scorn woman (the female reincarnation of the devil).
Until next time:)
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Why Groupies?
I'm okay with admitting I got a couple of celeb crushes. I also can admit I think some are cute enough for me to actually consider dating. Since twitter has come into place it's been easier to contact celebs. The problem is if they don't know you they don't write back and when they do write back to fans it's only to "THE PRAISE GROUP" (people that praise the celeb day and night). Now I know from experience, celebs cant trust no one or just anyone. So they keep interaction with fans at bay and automatically assume all "us" girls are groupies. Real groupies have destroy the words "being friendly" and made a bad name for women in general. I hate the fact that I can't ask a real question and get a response. If only male celebs didn't judge or assume and if groupies wasn't surrounding them like wildfire.
I'm going to be honest. I don't consider anyone above me, I could say nice stuff about music or talent but not writing about your looks all day to get your attention. I am not and will never be a Groupie because I have wayyyy too much respect for myself. I can't even comprehend why humans go crazy over other humans. It's stupid, talent is god given so I rather praise that. I am super friendly, if I'm following you it's because you are cool or I like your talent alot. If I write you it's because you are on my timeline alot.
If I was a celeb, I would only answer questions that was trying to get to know me and not my fame. Celebs need to stop thinking they're almighty from all the praise and come back to human level. Stop treating every females like a groupie. There are some smart intelligent females that don't care how rich and famous you are. Personally I like to know how deep is a person mind, now that's interesting to me. But because of groupies, I can't be friendly or have a regular normal convo with a celeb. I'm already perceived as a whore and a gold digger to them. So much for meeting new people. But I believe there is hope.
Until next time:)
I'm going to be honest. I don't consider anyone above me, I could say nice stuff about music or talent but not writing about your looks all day to get your attention. I am not and will never be a Groupie because I have wayyyy too much respect for myself. I can't even comprehend why humans go crazy over other humans. It's stupid, talent is god given so I rather praise that. I am super friendly, if I'm following you it's because you are cool or I like your talent alot. If I write you it's because you are on my timeline alot.
If I was a celeb, I would only answer questions that was trying to get to know me and not my fame. Celebs need to stop thinking they're almighty from all the praise and come back to human level. Stop treating every females like a groupie. There are some smart intelligent females that don't care how rich and famous you are. Personally I like to know how deep is a person mind, now that's interesting to me. But because of groupies, I can't be friendly or have a regular normal convo with a celeb. I'm already perceived as a whore and a gold digger to them. So much for meeting new people. But I believe there is hope.
Until next time:)
"The Step Up Game" Women Play
Yes, Women play games too. But our reasoning is different of course. Sometimes "us" females get so caught up in a guy that all logic gets thrown out the window. So when we don't feel loved we tend to play "the step up game" with the guy we are with. What is the step up game? Well it's when we make up lies or we go overboard to trap you. For example:
It's should be known that a woman will lie about anything to see you react in a caring way towards her. She wants to know you will step up and be the man she wants. That somehow she can make you snap out of being immature or selfish. Here's the lies women will tell so she can see your reaction.
1. Tell you some other guys wants her (she wants to see your reaction to possibly losing her).
2. I'm pregnant...( she want to see if you will be happy with having a child with her).
3. Lets break up (she want to see if you will really leave her).
4. Don't want to talk to you (Ignore your calls) (she want to see how many times you will call, alot of missed calls means you care alot).
5. I'm leaving you (she wants to see if you will chase after her).
6. I just want a commited relationship, I don't want to get marry (most females want to know how a marriage proposal feel like, we dream about it).
7. I'm not jealous of your female friends (she don't want no other female,except fam, getting your attention).
8. I'm still friends with my ex too (she hates it because you once had feelings for your ex, we don't do sharing well).
9. I don't want to argue (she want to see how angry you will get).
10. I hurt myself.... (she want to see if you are concern about her).
Many more!!!! But going overboard to trap you....
1. Getting pregnant on purpose (she will always have you in her life).
2. Baby on the way... marriage? (she hoping you will marry her).
3. Sex on the first night (she wants to hook you with her skills).
4. Stripper clothes (she want to make you drool with your eyes).
Okay I'm not saying no more.... but females are vunerable. We want to feel love on all levels not just hear it. Only if females didn't lose their common sense and logic.... divorce wouldn't be so high and there would be less children growing up with one parent.
Until next time:) Happy Thanksgiving.
It's should be known that a woman will lie about anything to see you react in a caring way towards her. She wants to know you will step up and be the man she wants. That somehow she can make you snap out of being immature or selfish. Here's the lies women will tell so she can see your reaction.
1. Tell you some other guys wants her (she wants to see your reaction to possibly losing her).
2. I'm pregnant...( she want to see if you will be happy with having a child with her).
3. Lets break up (she want to see if you will really leave her).
4. Don't want to talk to you (Ignore your calls) (she want to see how many times you will call, alot of missed calls means you care alot).
5. I'm leaving you (she wants to see if you will chase after her).
6. I just want a commited relationship, I don't want to get marry (most females want to know how a marriage proposal feel like, we dream about it).
7. I'm not jealous of your female friends (she don't want no other female,except fam, getting your attention).
8. I'm still friends with my ex too (she hates it because you once had feelings for your ex, we don't do sharing well).
9. I don't want to argue (she want to see how angry you will get).
10. I hurt myself.... (she want to see if you are concern about her).
Many more!!!! But going overboard to trap you....
1. Getting pregnant on purpose (she will always have you in her life).
2. Baby on the way... marriage? (she hoping you will marry her).
3. Sex on the first night (she
4. Stripper clothes (she want to make you drool with your eyes).
Okay I'm not saying no more.... but females are vunerable. We want to feel love on all levels not just hear it. Only if females didn't lose their common sense and logic.... divorce wouldn't be so high and there would be less children growing up with one parent.
Until next time:) Happy Thanksgiving.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Bible 101: God Fearing???
I've been seeing alot lately on twitter and facebook, people saying they are God fearing men or women. So I had to ask myself what does that mean exactly? If you are a child of God and you are saved what are you fearful of? I understand why the old testament people was so fearful of God because there was 630 something rules or laws they had to abide by. If they slipped up on one rule, the stone is what they felt (stoning to death). But fear had to be installed into them because it was a new way, new religion. They were so stuck in Egyptian ways they needed new governing laws to obey and follow. I can only think of one reason why people in this day and age are still fearful
They know that they are living against all the commandments or know they are not saved. I've read this awesome track from this church and it put all my thoughts into straight sentences. It read "Many people live in fear. Why? Fear stalks transgressors; but there is no greater happiness, no greater fortune, no more desirable riches than true peace. It comforts the hearts of all who find it. In the hearts where peace reigns, the conscience is free of remorse."
Revelations 22:14 says "blessed are they that do his commandments, that they may have right to the tree of life, and may enter in through the gates into the city."
1 John 2;3-4 says "And hereby we do know that we know him, if we keep his commandments. He that saith, I know him, and keepeth not his commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him."
Now I quoted two verses from the new testament (which I believe we should follow) and Jesus spoke of love and God's love. IF your heart is good and you believe that Jesus died on the cross for your sins (you are saved). If you are following the ten commandments as best as you can and you love God with all your heart. Don't be fearful be thankful that through Jesus you are saved. God doesn't want you to fear him but love him. You are his child... you should be God loving not God fearing. Don't be fearing out of guilt but loving him and having peace in your self because of his mercy and forgiveness.
Until next time:)
They know that they are living against all the commandments or know they are not saved. I've read this awesome track from this church and it put all my thoughts into straight sentences. It read "Many people live in fear. Why? Fear stalks transgressors; but there is no greater happiness, no greater fortune, no more desirable riches than true peace. It comforts the hearts of all who find it. In the hearts where peace reigns, the conscience is free of remorse."
Revelations 22:14 says "blessed are they that do his commandments, that they may have right to the tree of life, and may enter in through the gates into the city."
1 John 2;3-4 says "And hereby we do know that we know him, if we keep his commandments. He that saith, I know him, and keepeth not his commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him."
Now I quoted two verses from the new testament (which I believe we should follow) and Jesus spoke of love and God's love. IF your heart is good and you believe that Jesus died on the cross for your sins (you are saved). If you are following the ten commandments as best as you can and you love God with all your heart. Don't be fearful be thankful that through Jesus you are saved. God doesn't want you to fear him but love him. You are his child... you should be God loving not God fearing. Don't be fearing out of guilt but loving him and having peace in your self because of his mercy and forgiveness.
Until next time:)
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Astronomy 101: Intro
Astronomy is such an interesting subject to me. It's so broad and vast and always has new knowledge coming in. The universe is so huge, it's uncomprehensible. New stars are forming everyday while others die out. The planets are forever changing, such as our own.
From telescopes such as the hubble, we know that there are billions of galaxies as there are stars. Each star has planets orbiting around them, as our planet orbits our star (the sun). Every galaxy has a approx. 100 billion stars like the milky way galaxy we are in. The closest star to our sun is the red dwarf Proxima Centauri, which is 4.22 light years away. And appears to be orbiting two other stars. Most systems are binary (two stars in one solar system) But very few like our own has one star.
In recent years other stars have been found that have earth like planets orbiting around it. Giving hope to finding other life forms aside from us. As in our solar system, astronomers has said life forms my be on others planets and the planets moons. Planets like Mars use to have water and has a polar ice cap on it's southern hemisphere made up of carbon dioxide. It is said that Mars use to have oxygen but because Mars no longer has a atmosphere, oxygen is not on the red planet anymore.
It take about 4.5 billion years for a star to die. The explosion is so great that it create black holes and any star or planets near by will be destroy. But our sun is a yellow dwarf which last 10 million years. Our sun is about half way through it's life span and in a 5 billion years will be nomore. When that happens, the sun hydrogen and helium in the core is mostly exhausted, the core will collapse. The temperture will rise and and the sun will become a red giant then planetary nebula then white dwarf... last a cold dark black dwarf.
I dont know why I wanted to do a blog about astronomy, I guess because I saw my old text book from astronomy class. But Knowing the science of what our universe is made up of... you can understand the different elements we are made of. Everything is connected and made of the same. It's important to invest time into other topics other then basketball and reality tv.
Until next time:)
From telescopes such as the hubble, we know that there are billions of galaxies as there are stars. Each star has planets orbiting around them, as our planet orbits our star (the sun). Every galaxy has a approx. 100 billion stars like the milky way galaxy we are in. The closest star to our sun is the red dwarf Proxima Centauri, which is 4.22 light years away. And appears to be orbiting two other stars. Most systems are binary (two stars in one solar system) But very few like our own has one star.
In recent years other stars have been found that have earth like planets orbiting around it. Giving hope to finding other life forms aside from us. As in our solar system, astronomers has said life forms my be on others planets and the planets moons. Planets like Mars use to have water and has a polar ice cap on it's southern hemisphere made up of carbon dioxide. It is said that Mars use to have oxygen but because Mars no longer has a atmosphere, oxygen is not on the red planet anymore.
It take about 4.5 billion years for a star to die. The explosion is so great that it create black holes and any star or planets near by will be destroy. But our sun is a yellow dwarf which last 10 million years. Our sun is about half way through it's life span and in a 5 billion years will be nomore. When that happens, the sun hydrogen and helium in the core is mostly exhausted, the core will collapse. The temperture will rise and and the sun will become a red giant then planetary nebula then white dwarf... last a cold dark black dwarf.
I dont know why I wanted to do a blog about astronomy, I guess because I saw my old text book from astronomy class. But Knowing the science of what our universe is made up of... you can understand the different elements we are made of. Everything is connected and made of the same. It's important to invest time into other topics other then basketball and reality tv.
Until next time:)
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Bible 101: Intro
Many people and religious sects argue with the authenticity of christians modern day bible. The bible which is made up with Hebrew writings (old testament) and Greek writings (new testament), from men that received the word from God. The Bible was written by various men at different times through out history. With the christian bible by itself, there are many translations in the many branches of christianity. In 1604, King James of england ordered a new english version of the bible to be made in response to solve problems of earlier translations. The King James version was translated by 47 scholars and all members of the church of England.
Now scholars today say there are many mistranslations through out the King James version that many christians use today. The Jewish bible (old testament) is said to be transcibed through out the generations unfaulted in hebrew. I can personally say I've read different bibles in different christian denominations and many words are translated differently.
I study religions in general, I say I am christian because I believe in Jesus Christ but I will say I don't belong to a denomination. So far I've study... Catholic, Muslim, Jehovah Witness, Scientology, Pentecostal, Baptist, Judism, Mormonism, Buddhism. Each have it's own distinctive beliefs and practices and translations. But I always feel at the end of each study that christianity and the basic principles the bible teaches is the way to go. I do feel to fully understand the concept of being saved you need thoses basic principles. But if you want to get the full literal understanding you need to learn ancient hebrew and greek, which I will do someday. I have not found one church that is without humanly flaw and therefore I do not attend church. I feel to get spirituality connected with God, others cannot dictate that and only you can find that path.
I will start talking about different topics in the bible I feel is truly judge by people and not the texts. I feel you can not quote scriptures to fit with your theories. You have to read it and understand the period which it came from while trying your best to see how it applies in our time. Everybody interprets the bible in a different way, so you have to read it yourself and study to make sense of it. So many people my age (22), don't know half the stuff said in the bible. But only things their parents or preachers have told them. I'm teaching my mother new things that she grow up learning (baptist) that was false, so that tells you I'm beyond my years. I will answer any question, anytime.... eventhough I know people my age is not even thinking about the bible or religion.
Until next time:)
Now scholars today say there are many mistranslations through out the King James version that many christians use today. The Jewish bible (old testament) is said to be transcibed through out the generations unfaulted in hebrew. I can personally say I've read different bibles in different christian denominations and many words are translated differently.
I study religions in general, I say I am christian because I believe in Jesus Christ but I will say I don't belong to a denomination. So far I've study... Catholic, Muslim, Jehovah Witness, Scientology, Pentecostal, Baptist, Judism, Mormonism, Buddhism. Each have it's own distinctive beliefs and practices and translations. But I always feel at the end of each study that christianity and the basic principles the bible teaches is the way to go. I do feel to fully understand the concept of being saved you need thoses basic principles. But if you want to get the full literal understanding you need to learn ancient hebrew and greek, which I will do someday. I have not found one church that is without humanly flaw and therefore I do not attend church. I feel to get spirituality connected with God, others cannot dictate that and only you can find that path.
I will start talking about different topics in the bible I feel is truly judge by people and not the texts. I feel you can not quote scriptures to fit with your theories. You have to read it and understand the period which it came from while trying your best to see how it applies in our time. Everybody interprets the bible in a different way, so you have to read it yourself and study to make sense of it. So many people my age (22), don't know half the stuff said in the bible. But only things their parents or preachers have told them. I'm teaching my mother new things that she grow up learning (baptist) that was false, so that tells you I'm beyond my years. I will answer any question, anytime.... eventhough I know people my age is not even thinking about the bible or religion.
Until next time:)
Thursday, November 18, 2010
What do Women want?
Every man want to know, what the hell do women want from them. I'll tell you... It's simple but breaks into being complicated. I know lol... (WTF)... Women want to feel truly loved. That sentence is simple right? but here comes the complicated part. Everyone has a definition of what love is. So how can you make a women feel love if you don't know what love is? Well what a women think is love is many things. I know I've said previously that love is nothing more then a chemical reaction in the brain that cause feelings. But women don't want to hear that because we grow up watching fairy tales and love stories.
So here's the complicated part... I mean what being love feel like to us... beware!!!(very long lol). We want great sex, good head, protection, be provided for, humor, great personality, romance, a great listener, sweet words, compliments, surprises, to be held, comfort, cuddled, put first, call or text all the time, to meet family and friends, to be bragged about, treated with respect, not cheated on, confined in, touched gently, taken out, fought for, to be your diary, compassion, understand, irresistable to you, thought about, appreciated, wined and dined, to be your best friend, told everything, wanted, monogamy, commitment, importance, status, sensitivity, communication, support, conversation, aggression, physical attraction, a great father for her child (children or soon to be), to be your everything.
I know impossible... maybe... but the thing with women we settle... if we are in love, we will take what you are giving. But if we are not satisfied we will nag and complain about it until we get it or you leave. You're thinking... what happen to love me like I am? Well we do... But we also want the Prince in the disney movies too. Now if she didn't grow up with the fairy tales then she probably want the bad boy (I guess).
When we love we want to feel it, see it, taste it, hear it, smell it, know it. You have to prove it to us. 24 hours a day, seven days a week, especially holidays, birthdays and anniversaries. Yes, valentines is important... make it special. If you hurts us we will never ever forget and will never be the same with you.
If ya'll don't like the same things, places, and your game comes before her... give it up now. If ya'll are not compatiable in the same wants and likes... it won't work. If she's nagging and complaining... you are missing one of the above. She will give you hints or say something direct (but want you to read between the lines). Like I want to spend time together...meaning just you and her doing something fun... not you, her and the video game. If you want to be everything she wants... get your skills up in the above. I probably need to add more lol okay I'm done:)
Until next time:)
So here's the complicated part... I mean what being love feel like to us... beware!!!(very long lol). We want great sex, good head, protection, be provided for, humor, great personality, romance, a great listener, sweet words, compliments, surprises, to be held, comfort, cuddled, put first, call or text all the time, to meet family and friends, to be bragged about, treated with respect, not cheated on, confined in, touched gently, taken out, fought for, to be your diary, compassion, understand, irresistable to you, thought about, appreciated, wined and dined, to be your best friend, told everything, wanted, monogamy, commitment, importance, status, sensitivity, communication, support, conversation, aggression, physical attraction, a great father for her child (children or soon to be), to be your everything.
I know impossible... maybe... but the thing with women we settle... if we are in love, we will take what you are giving. But if we are not satisfied we will nag and complain about it until we get it or you leave. You're thinking... what happen to love me like I am? Well we do... But we also want the Prince in the disney movies too. Now if she didn't grow up with the fairy tales then she probably want the bad boy (I guess).
When we love we want to feel it, see it, taste it, hear it, smell it, know it. You have to prove it to us. 24 hours a day, seven days a week, especially holidays, birthdays and anniversaries. Yes, valentines is important... make it special. If you hurts us we will never ever forget and will never be the same with you.
If ya'll don't like the same things, places, and your game comes before her... give it up now. If ya'll are not compatiable in the same wants and likes... it won't work. If she's nagging and complaining... you are missing one of the above. She will give you hints or say something direct (but want you to read between the lines). Like I want to spend time together...meaning just you and her doing something fun... not you, her and the video game. If you want to be everything she wants... get your skills up in the above. I probably need to add more lol okay I'm done:)
Until next time:)
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
A Heart when it's Broken
I heard a great quote that said "losing them hurts... missing them hurts more... wanting them back kills you." Sometimes it's extremely hard to move on and accept how things are. Sometimes getting your heart broken is unexpected and catches you off guard. Nothing can amount to the pain of a heart that's been ripped out of your chest cavity. The pain of loving someone and losing them from lies and hidden agendas. Everything around you triggers a memory or tears start flowing because of a melody. You still feel the aching sensation in your chest from your barely healed heart. You cry sometimes when you think about why it couldn't last. While wishing to know the answer to do they still think about you. You wish things would've turned out differently and you wasn't the one left in the end. You walk around everyday smiling to shield the missing part you feel inside. No amount of "you deserve better" can take away the happiness you once felt.
You still hope to see their face. You can still feel the kisses. The lovemaking still remains embedded in you head. Your dreams still make them alive and present in your life. You still want to see or talk to them through your suffering. You want to hate them but you can't.
Now if you know the reason they are gone because of your web of lies and "pimping ain't easy" ways. You just lost what was good and you feeling it, no one to blame but yourself. Learn and be better and do better next time. Everybody who didn't deserve it....
You were in love.... yes you were. But with a fantasy and not the reality. You were in love with what you wanted to see in front of you, not the truth that was surrounding you. You knew somewhere when the love first started, something was off or it was too good to be true. You knew there was something unspoken but didn't press to know. Your instincts was running wild but you decided to turn it off. I'm not saying it's your fault because it's not. But somewhere in your mind, heart or being knew something was off.
Being in love with a imaginary concept is dangerous. Being stuck in a realm of lies can make you rationalize it into love. Fairy tales are just that.... it's make believe. For example: sleeping beauty was a story about a prince raping her while she was unconscious and awakening to never know who did it. But that was transform into a love story for children. We have to start paying attention to the signs and stop trying to make our own love stories. We have to wake up and literally smell the coffee before it's confused with a Italian cappuccino.
How to heal what is broken? You really can't. It has happen there's no do overs. If you've fallen head over heels for the wrong person and it ended bad. Your feelings will reflect just that. Nothing can change that but new love and lots of time. Being lonely will only intensify the aching and over busy schedules will just delay it momentary. You have to rebuild your heart from the inside. Accept the outcome and stop the "what if" moments. You deserved better, that's what you've gotten (they're not in your life anymore) and you will get it (your real somebody) once you are over the past. Looking toward the future will ease the pain and give you hope that a better clarified relationship is in the works for you. A better foundation, a better love, a better experience:)
Until next time:)
You still hope to see their face. You can still feel the kisses. The lovemaking still remains embedded in you head. Your dreams still make them alive and present in your life. You still want to see or talk to them through your suffering. You want to hate them but you can't.
Now if you know the reason they are gone because of your web of lies and "pimping ain't easy" ways. You just lost what was good and you feeling it, no one to blame but yourself. Learn and be better and do better next time. Everybody who didn't deserve it....
You were in love.... yes you were. But with a fantasy and not the reality. You were in love with what you wanted to see in front of you, not the truth that was surrounding you. You knew somewhere when the love first started, something was off or it was too good to be true. You knew there was something unspoken but didn't press to know. Your instincts was running wild but you decided to turn it off. I'm not saying it's your fault because it's not. But somewhere in your mind, heart or being knew something was off.
Being in love with a imaginary concept is dangerous. Being stuck in a realm of lies can make you rationalize it into love. Fairy tales are just that.... it's make believe. For example: sleeping beauty was a story about a prince raping her while she was unconscious and awakening to never know who did it. But that was transform into a love story for children. We have to start paying attention to the signs and stop trying to make our own love stories. We have to wake up and literally smell the coffee before it's confused with a Italian cappuccino.
How to heal what is broken? You really can't. It has happen there's no do overs. If you've fallen head over heels for the wrong person and it ended bad. Your feelings will reflect just that. Nothing can change that but new love and lots of time. Being lonely will only intensify the aching and over busy schedules will just delay it momentary. You have to rebuild your heart from the inside. Accept the outcome and stop the "what if" moments. You deserved better, that's what you've gotten (they're not in your life anymore) and you will get it (your real somebody) once you are over the past. Looking toward the future will ease the pain and give you hope that a better clarified relationship is in the works for you. A better foundation, a better love, a better experience:)
Until next time:)
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Cheating: Part 2 (women)
Women are very hard to catch cheating...that's a fact. Women think, plan, and are sneaky. I will try to explain objectively and fairly because I've never cheated. But I can look from a woman point of view. I can only think of two reasons why women cheat. One: their upbringing (her momma got around or something terrible happening in her life). Two: men (he broke her heart or many broke her heart).
Some people don't understand that your childhood determines your grown up life. Most of the times what her parents or role model was doing when she was younger, she is going to do too. If her mom was doing the "so I creep" dance over town, she or one of her sisters will. Not saying every bad role model will turn her life into the negative because some promise themselves never to be like that person.
And if she ever went through some unbelieveable events in life like being raped, prosituting, kidnapped, etc. Forget it... it will be too hard to stop her because she probably HATE men and will never trust you enough to be fully yours.
Broken hearts... theres nothing like it.... the feeling is horrible and can change you. If she got her heart broken too many times in the past and said she would never let it happen again. I can bet she's cheating because she will never completely commit to you. Her heart is literally frozen numb, she doen't know what trust is anymore.
Then theres YOU... you are the reason she is cheating on you. She found out about your dirt and felt it was revenge time. Will you ever catch her... probably not... will you know... yes. She will start acting real different with you. She will buy sexy clothes or lingerie but only wear it when she's not out with you. She starts being okay with not spending time with you. She not nagging or complaining much like before. She's going out with her "friends" way more than usual. She super happy and you know it's not because of you. Sorry but she's cheating or very close too cheating.
See women don't brag about sleeping around like guys because we get criticized from male and females. While males just hear it from women, so women may only tell their best friend that's it. Here's a test fellas, women will keep conversations... idk why but we do. So ask for her laptop or phone, she will fight but you will get it or a confession. Check text messages or emails, she will most likely have every message. Now, if shes a pro... but you have a strong feeling she is dipping on you lol leave!!! because you will never find proof. Wait phone records... but that's too much work but what ever rock your boat.
Women are loyal by nature and it take alot to change into a unloyal person. Women are known for staying loyal to a guy that is horrible in bed, so we loyal. So if you are a good guy, it's not you... just her past that messed her up. If you are a bad boy, she giving you a taste of your own medicine. If she's pass the point of return (cheated more than 3 times on you), you can never change her. If you love her and want to help her get through her past, get her help asap. If you don't want to make it work... Move ON!!!!
Until next time:)
Some people don't understand that your childhood determines your grown up life. Most of the times what her parents or role model was doing when she was younger, she is going to do too. If her mom was doing the "so I creep" dance over town, she or one of her sisters will. Not saying every bad role model will turn her life into the negative because some promise themselves never to be like that person.
And if she ever went through some unbelieveable events in life like being raped, prosituting, kidnapped, etc. Forget it... it will be too hard to stop her because she probably HATE men and will never trust you enough to be fully yours.
Broken hearts... theres nothing like it.... the feeling is horrible and can change you. If she got her heart broken too many times in the past and said she would never let it happen again. I can bet she's cheating because she will never completely commit to you. Her heart is literally frozen numb, she doen't know what trust is anymore.
Then theres YOU... you are the reason she is cheating on you. She found out about your dirt and felt it was revenge time. Will you ever catch her... probably not... will you know... yes. She will start acting real different with you. She will buy sexy clothes or lingerie but only wear it when she's not out with you. She starts being okay with not spending time with you. She not nagging or complaining much like before. She's going out with her "friends" way more than usual. She super happy and you know it's not because of you. Sorry but she's cheating or very close too cheating.
See women don't brag about sleeping around like guys because we get criticized from male and females. While males just hear it from women, so women may only tell their best friend that's it. Here's a test fellas, women will keep conversations... idk why but we do. So ask for her laptop or phone, she will fight but you will get it or a confession. Check text messages or emails, she will most likely have every message. Now, if shes a pro... but you have a strong feeling she is dipping on you lol leave!!! because you will never find proof. Wait phone records... but that's too much work but what ever rock your boat.
Women are loyal by nature and it take alot to change into a unloyal person. Women are known for staying loyal to a guy that is horrible in bed, so we loyal. So if you are a good guy, it's not you... just her past that messed her up. If you are a bad boy, she giving you a taste of your own medicine. If she's pass the point of return (cheated more than 3 times on you), you can never change her. If you love her and want to help her get through her past, get her help asap. If you don't want to make it work... Move ON!!!!
Until next time:)
Monday, November 15, 2010
Cheating: part 1 (Men)
So many women all over want to know, why do men cheat? Well the answer is simple as men are, they cheat because they can. Now I know that concept is throwing you off, but i'm going to explain. Men may use excuses and reasons for why they did it, although it usually have nothing to do with you. Trust me if it had something to do with you, they would dump you and move on to the next. Men aren't as emotional as females so it wouldn't be that hard to start over new. Now i'm not saying that it never has something to do with the female because it does sometimes. If you are in a relationship and you and your partner is having sex once every two weeks (and ya'll not old), yea he's cheating. And this has everything to do with age (less than 30), no responsibilities (a job or part time father), millions of women (that are easy), temptation of the flesh (human hormones), compatibility (ya'll not right for each other), upbringing (What was taught and learnt from a role model), and love (how deep their feelings are for you).
Females do sometimes drive a man to cheat (I know don't kill me, just listen), If our trust is so broken that we can't hug or kiss that person why are we still with them? We sometimes think since he hurt us so badly, we can just stay in a relationship and expect him to go without sex while he's fighting for our love again. Celibacy is a choice not a pushed action (i've made that choice) so why do we feel hurt when he cheats again? Because our thinking is all wrong. A man doesn't think like us, we can just stop having sex, it's hard for a man too... different bodies and different operations of the brain. Look at the behavior of other mammals, for instance, lions can mate with any female lion he wants and up to 60 times a day. No excuses i'm giving because penguins males searches for one female and when he finds her, he stays with her for life (soulmates). But men are kind of in between depending on the situations (above).
Guys can be in a one woman relationship, yes, it's possible. But it has to be their choice to do so. Nothing you have or do can make a man not cheat. Halle Berry got cheated on (probably every guy she's been with) and she's one of the most beautiful females in the world.
Okay so men cheat because they can...why is this true? It's accepted but all, you may not agree with cheating but you know more people that says "men cheat that's life". You take the blame for his cheating (maybe I wasn't doing something in bed). Encouragement from all men in the world (no man tells another man cheating is wrong, it's taboo). Women !!!! (willing to take your place and do what you wont). Upbringing (he saw his father cheated or all his friends that taught him the ropes cheated). Immature (can't put your feelings pass his own). Society (music, media, books, people... give cheating a thumbs up). Love (it just isn't strong enough to overcome temptation).
Why do men almost always get caught because they are sloppy and forgetful. Here's a test ladies, if you wanna know if your instincts are right (only if ya'll are in a relationship). Just ask him for his phone out of the blue, if he ask why say I want to see something and you can look to see what i'm doing. If he says NO!! or keep asking you question after question still not giving you the phone... he's hiding something serious. Listen I know it's a brainwashing going on that says you have no right to go through his phone and he's aware (not being sneaky). But I disagree, if you asked him have he cheated and he says no, then you have a right to find out and his phone is key. Men hide everything in their phone... Men will argue with you over their phone, yell at you, storm off, get angry for that phone. Men that are not hiding nothing will have no problem with you looking through their phone. Okay so he gives you the phone (miracle) check contacts any name like (olive oil, asian, radio shack, etc) he's hiding something he don't want you to know, ask questions. If he's on aim alot or won't friend you on facebook.... sorry the signs are there he's cheating or lying alot to you. Oh if he has two phones ask for both:)
I say if you are not willing to accept his cheating.... run. If he's hiding girls numbers and names and you didn't know...run. It has nothing to do with love so don't make excuses or blame yourself. God put us through things because we need to learn from it. You make the choice to have a cheating partner or not, to build a relationship on lies or not. Yes, it's hard for men not to cheat but not impossible, find someone that will not. If you are against cheating nothing he does will make it right (marriage, living together, children, not knowning) as a female you will know in your gut and you will see the signs.....so you need to run. Attachment is not enough to stay, you will be slowly killing yourself if you stay, find your way out. Love is out there just be patient. Oh and women cheat too and I will talk about that... Part 2.
Until next time:)
Females do sometimes drive a man to cheat (I know don't kill me, just listen), If our trust is so broken that we can't hug or kiss that person why are we still with them? We sometimes think since he hurt us so badly, we can just stay in a relationship and expect him to go without sex while he's fighting for our love again. Celibacy is a choice not a pushed action (i've made that choice) so why do we feel hurt when he cheats again? Because our thinking is all wrong. A man doesn't think like us, we can just stop having sex, it's hard for a man too... different bodies and different operations of the brain. Look at the behavior of other mammals, for instance, lions can mate with any female lion he wants and up to 60 times a day. No excuses i'm giving because penguins males searches for one female and when he finds her, he stays with her for life (soulmates). But men are kind of in between depending on the situations (above).
Guys can be in a one woman relationship, yes, it's possible. But it has to be their choice to do so. Nothing you have or do can make a man not cheat. Halle Berry got cheated on (probably every guy she's been with) and she's one of the most beautiful females in the world.
Okay so men cheat because they can...why is this true? It's accepted but all, you may not agree with cheating but you know more people that says "men cheat that's life". You take the blame for his cheating (maybe I wasn't doing something in bed). Encouragement from all men in the world (no man tells another man cheating is wrong, it's taboo). Women !!!! (willing to take your place and do what you wont). Upbringing (he saw his father cheated or all his friends that taught him the ropes cheated). Immature (can't put your feelings pass his own). Society (music, media, books, people... give cheating a thumbs up). Love (it just isn't strong enough to overcome temptation).
Why do men almost always get caught because they are sloppy and forgetful. Here's a test ladies, if you wanna know if your instincts are right (only if ya'll are in a relationship). Just ask him for his phone out of the blue, if he ask why say I want to see something and you can look to see what i'm doing. If he says NO!! or keep asking you question after question still not giving you the phone... he's hiding something serious. Listen I know it's a brainwashing going on that says you have no right to go through his phone and he's aware (not being sneaky). But I disagree, if you asked him have he cheated and he says no, then you have a right to find out and his phone is key. Men hide everything in their phone... Men will argue with you over their phone, yell at you, storm off, get angry for that phone. Men that are not hiding nothing will have no problem with you looking through their phone. Okay so he gives you the phone (miracle) check contacts any name like (olive oil, asian, radio shack, etc) he's hiding something he don't want you to know, ask questions. If he's on aim alot or won't friend you on facebook.... sorry the signs are there he's cheating or lying alot to you. Oh if he has two phones ask for both:)
I say if you are not willing to accept his cheating.... run. If he's hiding girls numbers and names and you didn't know...run. It has nothing to do with love so don't make excuses or blame yourself. God put us through things because we need to learn from it. You make the choice to have a cheating partner or not, to build a relationship on lies or not. Yes, it's hard for men not to cheat but not impossible, find someone that will not. If you are against cheating nothing he does will make it right (marriage, living together, children, not knowning) as a female you will know in your gut and you will see the signs.....so you need to run. Attachment is not enough to stay, you will be slowly killing yourself if you stay, find your way out. Love is out there just be patient. Oh and women cheat too and I will talk about that... Part 2.
Until next time:)
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Love: The deeper meaning
There are so many meanings and definitions for what love is. It's a chemical reaction that happens in the brain that affects your emotions and cause you to feel that reaction. Love is a feeling, everything else that comes along with it is human imperfections. Infatuation has the same chemicals in the brain that make up love, it's the beginning stages. It says infatuation can last from 3 months to 5 years and can feel just like the real reaction of love. Love is pure, compassionate, sweet, happiness, all the good feelings you can think of.
People say " oh he hit me because he loves me" or He disrespects me but I know he loves me". Where the hell did you hear that from? Anger or disrespect has nothing to do with any form of love. Jesus was all about love... the new testament is about his love for humanity. Did you ever hear him call a girl a bi*ch? or grab her up and make her cry? No! Jesus helped and taught everyone that came in contact with him to treat another the way you want to be treated. So why do people think it's okay to stay with an abuser? Abuse is physically, emotionally, and verbally.
Love literally is not suppose to hurt or cause pain. Love is not sex. Love is not excuses. Love is a feeling.
Why does relationships fail when two people are in love? Two reason: The two people are not compatiable, which leads to irreversible actions or human flaws were too irresistible to overcome. But nothing to do with what ya'll felt for each other. Feelings alone don't stop actions, it just gives you a conscious. If your don't have a conscious that make you feel remorseful and sorry for your actions, then you didn't feel love or care for that person. So if he cheated on you twice or wasn't trying everything in his power to right the wrong... sorry but what he feels is nothing or infatuation.
The deeper meaning of love is learning to connect with a person beyond the physical. To literally touch a person soul with just one touch. To be fully connected to each other spiritually and emotionally. To talk so passionately about their inner being more than you do yourself. To be able to feel them when they are not there. To be so intertwined in that other person that you will sacrifice everything, even you own life. To find someone you consider one with you and can't live without them. To have unlimited faith in the unknown with that person and every part of your body dripping in hope for the best outcome. No doubt just belief. I know everyone that is reading this have never felt meaningful love before after looking at this lol but you have...(if you are spiritual)... with GOD.
To truly love someone it has to be unconditional (like parents to their children). To find true love with a stranger means you've found your soulmate. Everyone has one but too many settle in fear of being lonely or experience it for a moment (like in titanic). When you find it you will know, because nothing will make you forget the feeling or memory. You can have many loves but only one true love. And that's the deeper meaning of love:)
Until next time:)
People say " oh he hit me because he loves me" or He disrespects me but I know he loves me". Where the hell did you hear that from? Anger or disrespect has nothing to do with any form of love. Jesus was all about love... the new testament is about his love for humanity. Did you ever hear him call a girl a bi*ch? or grab her up and make her cry? No! Jesus helped and taught everyone that came in contact with him to treat another the way you want to be treated. So why do people think it's okay to stay with an abuser? Abuse is physically, emotionally, and verbally.
Love literally is not suppose to hurt or cause pain. Love is not sex. Love is not excuses. Love is a feeling.
Why does relationships fail when two people are in love? Two reason: The two people are not compatiable, which leads to irreversible actions or human flaws were too irresistible to overcome. But nothing to do with what ya'll felt for each other. Feelings alone don't stop actions, it just gives you a conscious. If your don't have a conscious that make you feel remorseful and sorry for your actions, then you didn't feel love or care for that person. So if he cheated on you twice or wasn't trying everything in his power to right the wrong... sorry but what he feels is nothing or infatuation.
The deeper meaning of love is learning to connect with a person beyond the physical. To literally touch a person soul with just one touch. To be fully connected to each other spiritually and emotionally. To talk so passionately about their inner being more than you do yourself. To be able to feel them when they are not there. To be so intertwined in that other person that you will sacrifice everything, even you own life. To find someone you consider one with you and can't live without them. To have unlimited faith in the unknown with that person and every part of your body dripping in hope for the best outcome. No doubt just belief. I know everyone that is reading this have never felt meaningful love before after looking at this lol but you have...(if you are spiritual)... with GOD.
To truly love someone it has to be unconditional (like parents to their children). To find true love with a stranger means you've found your soulmate. Everyone has one but too many settle in fear of being lonely or experience it for a moment (like in titanic). When you find it you will know, because nothing will make you forget the feeling or memory. You can have many loves but only one true love. And that's the deeper meaning of love:)
Until next time:)
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Letting Go
As human beings we become attach very easily to each other or things in general. Sometimes, we don't even know we are attached to another person until we don't see them for awhile. Too many make the mistake of holding on to a person because they've been with that person for along time. You know their scent, their facial expressions, their laugh, their smile and just thinking about it makes you miss them. Ya'll shared years worth of memories, phone calls, texts, kisses, love. But the fights and arguements are unbearable, the pain outweights the passion, the tears don't even phase you anymore and the trust....what trust? Your mind knows you should move on but your heart is stuck on we can make it work. You know ya'll are not compatible but all that time spent together, you can't let go.
My thought on letting go is, the more you hold on the more time is wasted. You'll keep building memories while enduring more of the same. Attachment doesn't change people or create new indiviuals. Attachment makes you learn to cope with the worst part but doesn't teach you how to let go of it. Ya'll keep growing on each other like parasites, getting satification but also destroying each other at the same time. Our instincts keep telling us to run but we ignore them because we don't want to start over. We fight the breakup, knowing it's unavoidable. We crave for it to go back to how it use to be, the basics, but know the history prevents things from going back to how they use to be.
If pain could automatically get erased, there would be no break ups. If sorry could create true forgiviness, the brain storage for hurt would vanish. If everytime you saw that person was a fresh new slate, we would be robots. You can't be human if you never experience pain from another human. The problem is when you experienced too much pain and lies from the same person. The months of going unaware of the cover up that the person you trusted was doing behind your back. The lies that person wouldn't admit to you until they were caught smack in it. The constant betrayal of the bodily flesh in which ya'll agreed to share with each other. The disappointments from meaningful time and the constant chipping of your heart. All of this cause history that can't be computer click to undo and it will never be forgotten. Nothing you can do to make it disappear. This is the sole reason why people give up on love and relationships.
Okay so you still holding on... huh? Everytime you try to work it out, it always go back to being the same... right? The person keeps saying "I've change for you" or "I will change for you" but doesn't, correct? Ya'll been together so long, how do you start over, is your question... right? I love them too much to let go...with tears in your eyes? I'm sorry to say... it's time to let go. There too much history that can never be corrected... no ring, promise, pledge to change will work. Yes, it's possible that you can become numb and find some reason in the relationship to stay which will make you become comfortable as you start resenting that person. Or that person can actually CHANGE and do a 360 degree angle like in mathematics and start treating you great without doing one ounce of bad, that could trigger the past and drag everything to hell. Only a few people have completely changed and you don't want someone to get comfortable because it's not the same as being in love.
Okay how to let go...you have to complately let go. Tell them why ya'll can't be together anymore and erase all contact. No phone calls, texts, tweets, pictures, booty calls, visual sighting. You have to go cold turkey, you have to withdraw from the attachment. Like rehab you have to make it disappear from your life. Of course you will miss them very much but you have to remind yourself that you will get better and they will get better also. And in this mourning you will acquire growth and understanding that only this experience could teach you. You will become a better person and therefore be better to the next (hopefully). And if that love just so happens to come back years later unexpectedly (without you sneaking during the cold turkey process) it's possible it was meant to be or atleast a second chance to get it right. If you've tried more than two times to make it work it's time for the cold turkey process and a new love... not years of worthless trying.
until next time:)
My thought on letting go is, the more you hold on the more time is wasted. You'll keep building memories while enduring more of the same. Attachment doesn't change people or create new indiviuals. Attachment makes you learn to cope with the worst part but doesn't teach you how to let go of it. Ya'll keep growing on each other like parasites, getting satification but also destroying each other at the same time. Our instincts keep telling us to run but we ignore them because we don't want to start over. We fight the breakup, knowing it's unavoidable. We crave for it to go back to how it use to be, the basics, but know the history prevents things from going back to how they use to be.
If pain could automatically get erased, there would be no break ups. If sorry could create true forgiviness, the brain storage for hurt would vanish. If everytime you saw that person was a fresh new slate, we would be robots. You can't be human if you never experience pain from another human. The problem is when you experienced too much pain and lies from the same person. The months of going unaware of the cover up that the person you trusted was doing behind your back. The lies that person wouldn't admit to you until they were caught smack in it. The constant betrayal of the bodily flesh in which ya'll agreed to share with each other. The disappointments from meaningful time and the constant chipping of your heart. All of this cause history that can't be computer click to undo and it will never be forgotten. Nothing you can do to make it disappear. This is the sole reason why people give up on love and relationships.
Okay so you still holding on... huh? Everytime you try to work it out, it always go back to being the same... right? The person keeps saying "I've change for you" or "I will change for you" but doesn't, correct? Ya'll been together so long, how do you start over, is your question... right? I love them too much to let go...with tears in your eyes? I'm sorry to say... it's time to let go. There too much history that can never be corrected... no ring, promise, pledge to change will work. Yes, it's possible that you can become numb and find some reason in the relationship to stay which will make you become comfortable as you start resenting that person. Or that person can actually CHANGE and do a 360 degree angle like in mathematics and start treating you great without doing one ounce of bad, that could trigger the past and drag everything to hell. Only a few people have completely changed and you don't want someone to get comfortable because it's not the same as being in love.
Okay how to let go...you have to complately let go. Tell them why ya'll can't be together anymore and erase all contact. No phone calls, texts, tweets, pictures, booty calls, visual sighting. You have to go cold turkey, you have to withdraw from the attachment. Like rehab you have to make it disappear from your life. Of course you will miss them very much but you have to remind yourself that you will get better and they will get better also. And in this mourning you will acquire growth and understanding that only this experience could teach you. You will become a better person and therefore be better to the next (hopefully). And if that love just so happens to come back years later unexpectedly (without you sneaking during the cold turkey process) it's possible it was meant to be or atleast a second chance to get it right. If you've tried more than two times to make it work it's time for the cold turkey process and a new love... not years of worthless trying.
until next time:)
Friday, November 12, 2010
Child Molestation
I have very strong thoughts on child molestation because watching Oprah today on men who were sexually abuse as boys, made me debate with myself on sharing my own story. It is said that people don't talk about it because of the shame and pain that is still affecting them. Well, I don't feel any type of pain or shame because I've fully forgiven my abusers and am at peace with myself. I do feel so many people are abuse on a regular basis, it is said 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abuse. In almost all cases children are abuse by family members or close friends, always the family or the child knows the molester. I never shared my abuse with anyone especially with my mom because I knew it would hurt her that she wasn't there to protect me. But maybe by telling, someone may come across my blog and find it helpful.
My first ever sexual abuse encounter happened when I was three... One of my brother Phillip best friends. My brother would take me outside to play... And his friend would always come along. I'm guessing the friend was about 12 years old at the time maybe even 13. But I only have one memory and that's of him telling me to sit on his lap until my brother came back from the store. I remember doing so... And as I was sitting on his lap... He pulled my pants down. Unfortunately, that's all I remembered... I'm guessing he looked and maybe touch me for a couple of minutes before my brother came back.
The next abuse encounter was with my cousin Gina father, when he would come to my cousin Barbara house and I would be over there. Of course, he really abused his daughter more than me but because I always was with her growing up, he started coming after me too. It first happened at 4, I was playing with my cousins and he caught me alone in the kitchen. He told me I was pretty and kissed me on my mouth.... I remember, wiping my mouth with my hand and going back to play. I was too young still to understand that was sexual abuse. He was seriously abusing my cousin as time went on.... That one kiss was all I remember happening to me, probably because I moved down south the first time with my family. I do even remember going to his house a couple of times with my cousin and him no even making a move on me but always taking her in the room alone. My cousin is three years older than me so she endured it for years and years, until at 8 or 9, she finally told her mom. He was banned from seeing her and I believe charges were filed. Unfortunately, my cousin begin wanting a real relationship with him and he started visiting again (with supervision) when she was 13 but since she was off limit... Didn't mean I was... So he would catch me in Gina room by myself and grab me. He then would proceed with his tap kisses and touching my chest area, I would get away and hide, but it Happened 3 times within a six month period. By 11, frankly, I had enough with him and though he was extremely mentally ill (bipolar and schizio)... I was done. The last time he tried something, I was in the shower and I knew it was him knocking on the door, I knew he would try to look at me, so I asked him to wait until I was finished. He complained he had to go bad, so I wrapped the towel around me & opened the door and hid behind the curtain. As suspected, I saw his head peek in from the side of the curtain. I looked him in the eye and said "if you ever try anything with me again I will tell Barbara and my Mom". After that, he never tried anything else...he would stare at me when I saw him but he never came 2 feet near me. Also, he got shipped to a mental hospital soon after... For other abuse charges.
Another abuse encounter was with my mom friend, we was living with him before we moved back to NC. I was 7 or 8 and I remember... he would wait until late at night and show me porn... When everybody was asleep. He would talk really nasty to me including all the things he wanted to do with me. I don't remember him touching me but I know he made me touch him and would bribe me with money. That went on for months, my mom at the time was dealing with alot with my stepfather and I didn't wanna worry her. The last time with him was when I was 11, I was sick and he asked my mom to go to the store for him... I didn't go because I was laying down not feeling well. Being that it was years later, I didn't think he would try anything. Well, he did as soon as she left... He jumped on top of me and held me down... Pulled my pants down... & performed oral sex on me. I just remember hearing his disgusting commentary as he did it... My body completely went numb. I felt so dirty and disgusted when he was done. I ran into the shower and tried to scrub away his scent but somehow I was totally dress by the time my mom came back so she wouldn't know.
This encounter actually happened down south and with two boys my own age...
The boy my age lived downstairs from me, they use to call him chocolate because he was black as hell. I use to hang with his sister teresa, so one day I went down there to see her. It's weird I just had a dream about this because I forgot this happened to me, kind of like I erased it out my memories. But I went to see her and chocolate invited me in but only she wasn't there, just him and this boy named Junior. I went inside and went to go inside teresa room to wait but they turned off all the lights and started grabbing me and kissing on me. I started fighting them and one tripped me and the other started dragging me into chocolate room. Both were holding me down... One on my arms... The other on my feet. I was crying and screaming... Junior was the one holding my feet... Pulled my pants half way down but because I was so loud and kicking him violently... He let me go. I ran out the door and upstairs. I fixed myself of course and wiped my tears away... Before going in the house... No surprise either that I didn't tell. Later that day his older sister came to get me, so we could talk about what happened. They said they was playing, I said they tried to rape me, she said I should've never went into a house with two boys. Chocolate father shipped him away soon after and junior idk... But I also left too back to nyc. I realize now, this is the reason I don't go to any guy house alone...unless I trust him....& that trust got to be built over a long period of time.
The last encounters of sexual abuse happened when I was 11 1/2 years old and we was living in brooklyn... I was with David at his friend house and David left to go get his game, so I stayed to wait. His friend (15) pushed me into his closet and started kissing me and touching on me, I told him to stop but he said he wanted me. I started to hitting him and I guess he was scared his mom would hear so he stopped and I ran home which was upstairs. The last one I was on the train I was 12, I was just standing by the door and this guy starts rubbing up on me. I guess I was so scared I didn't do anything, I just let him do it. He had to be in his 30's but when he got off I felt so bad and mad at myself.
I know why my abusers came after me, mainly because I was so shy and quiet, making me a easy target. I know that nothing that happened to me was my fault and I have nothing to feel shameful or hurt about. This has not define me and has no control over my life. I am still the same sweet, kind, shy, innocent girl but much wiser. I will never let this happen to me or anyone younger than me, if I have a say. I don't blame or hate anyone, this has happened to me and I have accepted that. But for anyone that hasn't accepted any type of abuse that have happened in their life I say get help and learn to let it go. To fully live your life you must make peace with all the bad things that have happened in your life and learn to live through it.
Thanks for reading:)
My first ever sexual abuse encounter happened when I was three... One of my brother Phillip best friends. My brother would take me outside to play... And his friend would always come along. I'm guessing the friend was about 12 years old at the time maybe even 13. But I only have one memory and that's of him telling me to sit on his lap until my brother came back from the store. I remember doing so... And as I was sitting on his lap... He pulled my pants down. Unfortunately, that's all I remembered... I'm guessing he looked and maybe touch me for a couple of minutes before my brother came back.
The next abuse encounter was with my cousin Gina father, when he would come to my cousin Barbara house and I would be over there. Of course, he really abused his daughter more than me but because I always was with her growing up, he started coming after me too. It first happened at 4, I was playing with my cousins and he caught me alone in the kitchen. He told me I was pretty and kissed me on my mouth.... I remember, wiping my mouth with my hand and going back to play. I was too young still to understand that was sexual abuse. He was seriously abusing my cousin as time went on.... That one kiss was all I remember happening to me, probably because I moved down south the first time with my family. I do even remember going to his house a couple of times with my cousin and him no even making a move on me but always taking her in the room alone. My cousin is three years older than me so she endured it for years and years, until at 8 or 9, she finally told her mom. He was banned from seeing her and I believe charges were filed. Unfortunately, my cousin begin wanting a real relationship with him and he started visiting again (with supervision) when she was 13 but since she was off limit... Didn't mean I was... So he would catch me in Gina room by myself and grab me. He then would proceed with his tap kisses and touching my chest area, I would get away and hide, but it Happened 3 times within a six month period. By 11, frankly, I had enough with him and though he was extremely mentally ill (bipolar and schizio)... I was done. The last time he tried something, I was in the shower and I knew it was him knocking on the door, I knew he would try to look at me, so I asked him to wait until I was finished. He complained he had to go bad, so I wrapped the towel around me & opened the door and hid behind the curtain. As suspected, I saw his head peek in from the side of the curtain. I looked him in the eye and said "if you ever try anything with me again I will tell Barbara and my Mom". After that, he never tried anything else...he would stare at me when I saw him but he never came 2 feet near me. Also, he got shipped to a mental hospital soon after... For other abuse charges.
Another abuse encounter was with my mom friend, we was living with him before we moved back to NC. I was 7 or 8 and I remember... he would wait until late at night and show me porn... When everybody was asleep. He would talk really nasty to me including all the things he wanted to do with me. I don't remember him touching me but I know he made me touch him and would bribe me with money. That went on for months, my mom at the time was dealing with alot with my stepfather and I didn't wanna worry her. The last time with him was when I was 11, I was sick and he asked my mom to go to the store for him... I didn't go because I was laying down not feeling well. Being that it was years later, I didn't think he would try anything. Well, he did as soon as she left... He jumped on top of me and held me down... Pulled my pants down... & performed oral sex on me. I just remember hearing his disgusting commentary as he did it... My body completely went numb. I felt so dirty and disgusted when he was done. I ran into the shower and tried to scrub away his scent but somehow I was totally dress by the time my mom came back so she wouldn't know.
This encounter actually happened down south and with two boys my own age...
The boy my age lived downstairs from me, they use to call him chocolate because he was black as hell. I use to hang with his sister teresa, so one day I went down there to see her. It's weird I just had a dream about this because I forgot this happened to me, kind of like I erased it out my memories. But I went to see her and chocolate invited me in but only she wasn't there, just him and this boy named Junior. I went inside and went to go inside teresa room to wait but they turned off all the lights and started grabbing me and kissing on me. I started fighting them and one tripped me and the other started dragging me into chocolate room. Both were holding me down... One on my arms... The other on my feet. I was crying and screaming... Junior was the one holding my feet... Pulled my pants half way down but because I was so loud and kicking him violently... He let me go. I ran out the door and upstairs. I fixed myself of course and wiped my tears away... Before going in the house... No surprise either that I didn't tell. Later that day his older sister came to get me, so we could talk about what happened. They said they was playing, I said they tried to rape me, she said I should've never went into a house with two boys. Chocolate father shipped him away soon after and junior idk... But I also left too back to nyc. I realize now, this is the reason I don't go to any guy house alone...unless I trust him....& that trust got to be built over a long period of time.
The last encounters of sexual abuse happened when I was 11 1/2 years old and we was living in brooklyn... I was with David at his friend house and David left to go get his game, so I stayed to wait. His friend (15) pushed me into his closet and started kissing me and touching on me, I told him to stop but he said he wanted me. I started to hitting him and I guess he was scared his mom would hear so he stopped and I ran home which was upstairs. The last one I was on the train I was 12, I was just standing by the door and this guy starts rubbing up on me. I guess I was so scared I didn't do anything, I just let him do it. He had to be in his 30's but when he got off I felt so bad and mad at myself.
I know why my abusers came after me, mainly because I was so shy and quiet, making me a easy target. I know that nothing that happened to me was my fault and I have nothing to feel shameful or hurt about. This has not define me and has no control over my life. I am still the same sweet, kind, shy, innocent girl but much wiser. I will never let this happen to me or anyone younger than me, if I have a say. I don't blame or hate anyone, this has happened to me and I have accepted that. But for anyone that hasn't accepted any type of abuse that have happened in their life I say get help and learn to let it go. To fully live your life you must make peace with all the bad things that have happened in your life and learn to live through it.
Thanks for reading:)
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Teenage Love
My thoughts on teenage love takes me back to Taylor Swift song "Fifteen". You wanna believe that the boy you shared your first kiss with or that grab your hand and smile at you, will be with you forever. You day dream about them in class, you spy on their twitter and hope they're in your mentions. You write in your diary everyday about them because he makes you mad one day and the next you love him OD. You love the way he kiss you and hug you close. You hope the feeling you get being with him will last always because it's something you never felt before. Sometimes you wanna cry everytime he says something mean but forgives him when he says he's sorry. Ya'll argue all the time and you always tell yourself...that's it, you can do better. And you get so frustrated because you feel like you losing everything. Then he calls, and you get so happy and everything doesn't matter anymore.
The thing is you know he's not right and you know he won't change because he's immature. You keep trying with giving him chances, but the more you do the more you regret you did. You can't get the way it feels when he touches you out of your head and the tender kisses you and him share. You want to say goodbye but you won't mean it. He tells you he loves you and that he never love no other girl like he loves you, your heart melts because you believe him. Then you find out he's talking to other girls and it breaks your heart. You hate him, you say to yourself, how could he hurt you like that and then you cry yourself to sleep.
Young teenage girl, my advice to you is you have to learn on your own. Nothing I tell you will make you listen to me. As a teenager you are very hard headed and stubborn and that's why mothers are the number 1 person you clash with right now. But you have to understand you parent don't want their little girl to feel pain especially by a sweet talking little jerk. Your parent wants to protect you and comfort you and make you feel safe. So I will not tell you what to do but I will give you advice.
When he tells you he love you, it means he like you (it doesn't mean alot). Teenage boys don't think about being faithful, commited, in love, or your feelings. He only wants to have money, clothes, food, fun, laugh, party, hangout, makeout, and if he's sexually active...SEX! His number 1 enemy is being stressed and he will avoid it at all cost, including dumping you. They don't know what love is so they can't take any relationship serious. So teenage girls don't make decisions based on you emotions but by what you know what is right. If he disrespects you once he will keep doing so because you are allowing him too. If he ever hit you...RUN... because he will continue to do so (it doesn't mean he loves you). If you decide to have sex with him, please go to a female family member and get birth control and learn about protection. But know he will only start using you for it and you will regret having sex at an early age when you get older. Don't give your all because remember boys don't go on emotions, meaning he can change his mind about you at anytime. Don't stay with him because he was your first boyfriend, if your gut feeling tells you to move on, then move on, theres a million guys that will treat you better. NEVER feel like you are ugly, worthless or no one will want you because YOU are beautiful... you got him didn't you? Self confidence and personality is the most beautiful qualities you can have, YOU are one in 6.5 billion, no one else in the world is like you. Be proud of yourself and hug yourself everyday for being special and one of a kind. And stop following after others to fit in... stand out!!! so that means stop that smoking and drinking when you are partying or hanging out... yea i know!!!. Love you teenage girls....it's okay to cry...be strong... I survived and learned:)
The thing is you know he's not right and you know he won't change because he's immature. You keep trying with giving him chances, but the more you do the more you regret you did. You can't get the way it feels when he touches you out of your head and the tender kisses you and him share. You want to say goodbye but you won't mean it. He tells you he loves you and that he never love no other girl like he loves you, your heart melts because you believe him. Then you find out he's talking to other girls and it breaks your heart. You hate him, you say to yourself, how could he hurt you like that and then you cry yourself to sleep.
Young teenage girl, my advice to you is you have to learn on your own. Nothing I tell you will make you listen to me. As a teenager you are very hard headed and stubborn and that's why mothers are the number 1 person you clash with right now. But you have to understand you parent don't want their little girl to feel pain especially by a sweet talking little jerk. Your parent wants to protect you and comfort you and make you feel safe. So I will not tell you what to do but I will give you advice.
When he tells you he love you, it means he like you (it doesn't mean alot). Teenage boys don't think about being faithful, commited, in love, or your feelings. He only wants to have money, clothes, food, fun, laugh, party, hangout, makeout, and if he's sexually active...SEX! His number 1 enemy is being stressed and he will avoid it at all cost, including dumping you. They don't know what love is so they can't take any relationship serious. So teenage girls don't make decisions based on you emotions but by what you know what is right. If he disrespects you once he will keep doing so because you are allowing him too. If he ever hit you...RUN... because he will continue to do so (it doesn't mean he loves you). If you decide to have sex with him, please go to a female family member and get birth control and learn about protection. But know he will only start using you for it and you will regret having sex at an early age when you get older. Don't give your all because remember boys don't go on emotions, meaning he can change his mind about you at anytime. Don't stay with him because he was your first boyfriend, if your gut feeling tells you to move on, then move on, theres a million guys that will treat you better. NEVER feel like you are ugly, worthless or no one will want you because YOU are beautiful... you got him didn't you? Self confidence and personality is the most beautiful qualities you can have, YOU are one in 6.5 billion, no one else in the world is like you. Be proud of yourself and hug yourself everyday for being special and one of a kind. And stop following after others to fit in... stand out!!! so that means stop that smoking and drinking when you are partying or hanging out... yea i know!!!. Love you teenage girls....it's okay to cry...be strong... I survived and learned:)
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
First day of my unravel thoughts.... Weird that i'm sitting here thoughtless. I guess I can start with why i'm doing this blog? Truth is IDK... I woke up one day and said I want to be a blogger! Just like every couple of weeks I want to do something new. I think the last thing I said I wanted to do was to be a Chef and that was 2 weeks ago. So with that being said, lets peep into my mind about things.
First, Why are some females shocked that Rajon Rondo is cheating? Hello it's pretty damn obvivous that he is. One, he's a superstar now, not the young man that fell in love in college and dreamed of become a star and once wrote: "The last time I cried was when my girlfriend said she loves me". He has change from the fame just like so many people do, can I blame him... NO. If I came from No one knowing my name to every chick throwing her boobage on me (If i was a guy), It would be very hard not to cheat. Cheating is a physical thing, a temptation of the flesh... a majority of men cheat, so what makes him an exception? Nothing at all, I believe he's cheating... if a damn 13 year old is juggling girlfriends, Rondo is slaying dragons in every state that have a basketball arena. And if his fiance is still willing to marry him, it's because of two things. One: she letting him run wild now in hopes he will settle down and stop all the nonsense when they are married. Or two: She accepted his lifestyle and is willing to deal with the cheating as long as her and her baby is well taken care of, so she will just stay and play her position. Okay confession time: I so have a huge crush on Rajon, since I had a dream about him in May... but with all these things being said about him, it makes me like him less to the point I think my crush is two inches from being a done deal:(
Second thought, Why is a nice body and a sex video making an artist and not his vocals? Yes, nice abs and eye candy arms and a chest makes me want to jump in the ocean of love and makes me want to do things that my mind isn't willing to share. But does that make good music? There are so many underated artists that get no play that have amazing vocals and songwriting skills, but are now beefing up their bird chests and boney arms to get the ladies to notice. Why are they exploting their bodies for album sales? Okay I know the answer, if you get females panties wet with your body plus you can sing them out their draws, they will be loyal for life and make you platinum. I personally like talent over all, you not going to have me leaking from looking at you...unless I take you with me to dreamland, but that's something else. What do kill me most is loser artists that play their fans and call them groupies for asking questions about personal things. LISTEN, just because you are known don't make you over anybody, because you are a fan or a groupie to FAME. YOU chase it, Beg for it, Paint pictures of it in your mind, and Dream about it... yea you a groupie too alright. That's why I can never be on anybody like that, you can sit any star in the room with me and it won't change how I act, Because they are human just like me nothing more.
Third thought, Kat Stacks.... Okay so she's in jail or a detention center, waiting on her management to help her from being deported back to her country from an outstanding warrant she has there. Do I care? Not really but I have a thought about it. I don't agree with her messing with people on twitter and blasting regular people info, what she does to rappers I don't care much. I find it sad that a person can get fame from telling how a rapper is in bed and blasting their phone number. But that's our world today, But What she went through does reflect why she is the way she is. I'm not giving up for her but your childhood makes who you are, she was beaten, raped, kidnapped, pimped, stripping, prosituting, since 14. Like I would be messed up if I went through that and an alcoholic (as she is), what's sad the cycle will continue unless she gets help. So if she do get deported, I hope her son goes with her and maybe being out of America will help her, Or her mother hopefully does a better job with him then she did with her. Do I feel bad for her? No, because she will always have twitter or youtube to blast rappers in her country and still get paid 2,500 to host parties.
Until next time:)
First, Why are some females shocked that Rajon Rondo is cheating? Hello it's pretty damn obvivous that he is. One, he's a superstar now, not the young man that fell in love in college and dreamed of become a star and once wrote: "The last time I cried was when my girlfriend said she loves me". He has change from the fame just like so many people do, can I blame him... NO. If I came from No one knowing my name to every chick throwing her boobage on me (If i was a guy), It would be very hard not to cheat. Cheating is a physical thing, a temptation of the flesh... a majority of men cheat, so what makes him an exception? Nothing at all, I believe he's cheating... if a damn 13 year old is juggling girlfriends, Rondo is slaying dragons in every state that have a basketball arena. And if his fiance is still willing to marry him, it's because of two things. One: she letting him run wild now in hopes he will settle down and stop all the nonsense when they are married. Or two: She accepted his lifestyle and is willing to deal with the cheating as long as her and her baby is well taken care of, so she will just stay and play her position. Okay confession time: I so have a huge crush on Rajon, since I had a dream about him in May... but with all these things being said about him, it makes me like him less to the point I think my crush is two inches from being a done deal:(
Second thought, Why is a nice body and a sex video making an artist and not his vocals? Yes, nice abs and eye candy arms and a chest makes me want to jump in the ocean of love and makes me want to do things that my mind isn't willing to share. But does that make good music? There are so many underated artists that get no play that have amazing vocals and songwriting skills, but are now beefing up their bird chests and boney arms to get the ladies to notice. Why are they exploting their bodies for album sales? Okay I know the answer, if you get females panties wet with your body plus you can sing them out their draws, they will be loyal for life and make you platinum. I personally like talent over all, you not going to have me leaking from looking at you...unless I take you with me to dreamland, but that's something else. What do kill me most is loser artists that play their fans and call them groupies for asking questions about personal things. LISTEN, just because you are known don't make you over anybody, because you are a fan or a groupie to FAME. YOU chase it, Beg for it, Paint pictures of it in your mind, and Dream about it... yea you a groupie too alright. That's why I can never be on anybody like that, you can sit any star in the room with me and it won't change how I act, Because they are human just like me nothing more.
Third thought, Kat Stacks.... Okay so she's in jail or a detention center, waiting on her management to help her from being deported back to her country from an outstanding warrant she has there. Do I care? Not really but I have a thought about it. I don't agree with her messing with people on twitter and blasting regular people info, what she does to rappers I don't care much. I find it sad that a person can get fame from telling how a rapper is in bed and blasting their phone number. But that's our world today, But What she went through does reflect why she is the way she is. I'm not giving up for her but your childhood makes who you are, she was beaten, raped, kidnapped, pimped, stripping, prosituting, since 14. Like I would be messed up if I went through that and an alcoholic (as she is), what's sad the cycle will continue unless she gets help. So if she do get deported, I hope her son goes with her and maybe being out of America will help her, Or her mother hopefully does a better job with him then she did with her. Do I feel bad for her? No, because she will always have twitter or youtube to blast rappers in her country and still get paid 2,500 to host parties.
Until next time:)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)