I would say, once you feel absolutely complete, you have found your soulmate. Complete in the sense, you are in love, blissfully happy, in a healthy relationship, have great communication, and y'all make each other better... You have found that special love. Relationships are suppose to cause two people to grow individually and together as one...if your love relationship has done that you probably found your soulmate. But most importantly, the love shouldn't cause you or your partner pain ever, yes... you will have disagreements & arguments but you will never feel pain with that person. Because a soulmate bond is based on pure love and that type of love is only found by few and that love is always incredible.
I don't believe in the fairytale theory about soulmates anymore, that there is only one soulmate for each person. I believe there are many soulmates out there for each of us and they don't have to just be lovers... They can be your best friend or a family member, I also believe sometimes we never meet them. I believe love sometimes blinds our logic from what we should have and we often end up with someone that is less than what we deserve. I believe to find your soulmate you have to be prepared mentally, emotionally, physically, and even spiritually to deal with such an intense love. You cannot be unevolved in love (immature) to find your soulmate, just like you can't be broken from past relationships. You will only find your soulmate when you are completely whole inside & out.
To be whole completely is a challenge, it starts with alot of forgiving and finding yourself. Constantly cleaning your inner being from hurt, pain, and insecurity. If you are not completely in love with yourself, you will never love anyone with your all or find anyone that can love you the way you need and want to be loved. That's why very few find their soulmate because most people don't want to do the inner work in themselves first. They just want this big extraoridinary love to show up not realizing they probably won't be able to hold on to it.
Even if you never find your soulmate, you can still find a great love. To find and keep any type of love, I can't stress enough how important it is to heal from past pain or to do some soul searching or learn to fall in love with yourself. The secret to a great relationship is... It start with you as an individual. And if or when you find your soulmate, everything will seem brighter and better & you will just know deep inside. Your love for them will be unreal... Like never before and never again:)
Favorite quote: "there is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved"
Until next time:)
Monday, November 28, 2011
If he or she is controlling is that love?
Love is freedom, not constriction. But nevertheless, some people only feel loved when they are being controlled and some people use control as an expression of their love. Either way, both ways are dysfuntional to express or give love. But is it love? I would say no but if both, you and your partner are happy in that type of relationship then I wish you the best. But if one is unhappy in that type of relationship then you will never be happy as the time passes.
Control is insecurity, the root of insecurity is fear. You will never have a healthy relationship when the foundation is built on fear. If your man or woman feels he/she have to control your every thought, move, life... it's not that he/she wants to protect you or keep you safe, he/she is trying to shelter you into the existance he or she feels you should have. He/she is trying to take your worth, your self confidence, and everything else including other friendly relationships, social life, privacy... Everything that you allow them to control.
Control also has to do with trust issues... Either they don't trust you or themselves. If they (he/she) is a cheater then clocking your every move will ensure them you will never find out what he/she is doing behind your back. Now if they don't trust you then clocking your every move ensure him/her you are never cheating on them. Either way, it's dysfunctional... You will never have a healthy loving relationship without absolute trust in each other.
You should be able to have a life outside your relationship. Do not mistake control or possessiveness as love because it doesn't come from love. You are not property and you do not belong to anyone. But also remember people have feelings, you cannot cheat and lie all the time and expect not to hurt people in the process. If you are not ready for commitment with another, stay out of relationships. If you feel the need to control someone or be controlled, do some inner reflection and find out why do you feel that way. To fix dysfunction, you have to fix what needs healing inside yourself to be functional for another. Love doesn't hurt, it never has and it never will.
Until next time:)
Control is insecurity, the root of insecurity is fear. You will never have a healthy relationship when the foundation is built on fear. If your man or woman feels he/she have to control your every thought, move, life... it's not that he/she wants to protect you or keep you safe, he/she is trying to shelter you into the existance he or she feels you should have. He/she is trying to take your worth, your self confidence, and everything else including other friendly relationships, social life, privacy... Everything that you allow them to control.
Control also has to do with trust issues... Either they don't trust you or themselves. If they (he/she) is a cheater then clocking your every move will ensure them you will never find out what he/she is doing behind your back. Now if they don't trust you then clocking your every move ensure him/her you are never cheating on them. Either way, it's dysfunctional... You will never have a healthy loving relationship without absolute trust in each other.
You should be able to have a life outside your relationship. Do not mistake control or possessiveness as love because it doesn't come from love. You are not property and you do not belong to anyone. But also remember people have feelings, you cannot cheat and lie all the time and expect not to hurt people in the process. If you are not ready for commitment with another, stay out of relationships. If you feel the need to control someone or be controlled, do some inner reflection and find out why do you feel that way. To fix dysfunction, you have to fix what needs healing inside yourself to be functional for another. Love doesn't hurt, it never has and it never will.
Until next time:)
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Wanting functional in a dysfunctional situation
Everybody wants love, friendship, a career, a home, a family... To sum it up... Everyone wants abundance in every area of their life. But have you ever thought about the dysfunction that you are living with in your life? Could that dysfunction be preventing you from getting the stable, functioning things you want?
Well I can only speak on my dysfunction that's preventing me from getting what I want. Like true love... I know some do not believe in true love anymore but I believe therefore it's possible for me to acquire it. But back to the subject, I want true, lasting, blissful love. My whole process of finding myself over a year ago was to step back from my not so great relationship with my ex and find out why I allowed myself to be treated so badly. I've discovered this truth that I was seeking and now know why.
But somehow unexpectedly, I've become so enticed in feelings of romance and friendship a couple of months ago, I forgot something crucial. All romantic developments will end abruptly because of the dysfunctional situation I live in. No guy can accept or deal with my living arrangement, at first they might understand it but ultimately in the end they will leave me. I can't say I can blame them because at the end of the day, it's a hard situation to deal with. So I may want functional but I'm living as if I love dysfunctional. Actions are louder to the universe than words.
I live with acceptance of my situation which prevents me to want to change it faster. I want a great job but don't look for one like I should. I want my own apartment but need a good job to get the apartment. My dysfunctional situation is pushing all the functional things away that want to enter into my life. So what do I do? Well I know what I need to do but fear of change is stopping me, or I'm allowing it to stop me from making the necessary changes that are inevitable.
I wish I could just win the jackpot, that would make things so simple. But I know this falls all on me, every single step. My emotional and physical attachments are whats holding me here but spiritually I know I have to eventually leave to evolve into what I want to become. I've grown so much spiritually because spiritual growth only happens within but if you want changes on the outside you have to do that outwardly. Dysfunction disappears when you want it to from the changes you make.
I know what I have to do, truth is I've always known what I needed to do. But the question to myself is when will I do it?
Until next time:)
Well I can only speak on my dysfunction that's preventing me from getting what I want. Like true love... I know some do not believe in true love anymore but I believe therefore it's possible for me to acquire it. But back to the subject, I want true, lasting, blissful love. My whole process of finding myself over a year ago was to step back from my not so great relationship with my ex and find out why I allowed myself to be treated so badly. I've discovered this truth that I was seeking and now know why.
But somehow unexpectedly, I've become so enticed in feelings of romance and friendship a couple of months ago, I forgot something crucial. All romantic developments will end abruptly because of the dysfunctional situation I live in. No guy can accept or deal with my living arrangement, at first they might understand it but ultimately in the end they will leave me. I can't say I can blame them because at the end of the day, it's a hard situation to deal with. So I may want functional but I'm living as if I love dysfunctional. Actions are louder to the universe than words.
I live with acceptance of my situation which prevents me to want to change it faster. I want a great job but don't look for one like I should. I want my own apartment but need a good job to get the apartment. My dysfunctional situation is pushing all the functional things away that want to enter into my life. So what do I do? Well I know what I need to do but fear of change is stopping me, or I'm allowing it to stop me from making the necessary changes that are inevitable.
I wish I could just win the jackpot, that would make things so simple. But I know this falls all on me, every single step. My emotional and physical attachments are whats holding me here but spiritually I know I have to eventually leave to evolve into what I want to become. I've grown so much spiritually because spiritual growth only happens within but if you want changes on the outside you have to do that outwardly. Dysfunction disappears when you want it to from the changes you make.
I know what I have to do, truth is I've always known what I needed to do. But the question to myself is when will I do it?
Until next time:)
Poetry: I hurt him...
Sometimes I hurt people unintentionally, most people do. I chose to forgive in love and by that action it cause hurt. My choice to forgive was my decision to follow the path of love that my spiritual journey has taught me. Now I understand most people can not comprehend forgiving horrible situations. I use to think like that too but what I've learned is forgiveness is for yourself. I reside now in a different place of consciousness, I live in a state of love. No one can take away anything from me because only I can give it meaning. No one can hurt me unless I give them permission to. No one can take my humanity or dignity unless I say that they can. My inner strength is way stronger than my physical being. My heart is good and my kindness exceeds my hurt.
He didn't understand how I could forgive so quickly. He felt I let it go too easily. But what he doesn't understand is forgiveness isn't timed, & letting go isn't hard unless you want it to be. He thinks I'm lost but I think I've found what I've been missing. He thinks I've lost my logic but I think spiritually I'm logically sound. He thinks I'm stuck but inside I'm free.
But nevertheless, he felt hurt and I have to respect that. I hurt his heart, I hurt his expectations, I hurt his emotions, I caused discomfort. I didn't know I would, I didn't think I could, I never wanted to... But I did. My apology wasn't enough, I wish it was. He wants me out of his life, I have no choice but to obey. He wants things to go back to when he didn't know me personally, but it can't.
I hurt him... Not personally but emotionally without even knowing. I caused him discomfort in the area around his heart, the place I promise never to. I caused him emotional instability because he took on the hurt & pain I abandon. I caused confliction in his mind from "what ifs". I burden his heart with feelings, wanted or unwanted. I told him not to fall in love with me but I think he did.
But nevertheless, he felt hurt and I have to understand that. I hurt his trust in himself, I hurt his knowingness, I hurt his hopes, I caused pain. I didn't know I would, I didn't think I could, I never wanted to... But I did. Trying to make it better wasn't enough, I prayed it was. He wants to erase me, I have no choice but to erase him. He wants the life back which didn't include me, but he can't.
I hurt him... Not on purpose but through his feelings unconsciously. I caused him doubt about me, when I never wanted to be a mistake. I caused him to wish me away because he didn't want to have feelings for me anymore. I caused fear in his head from past experiences. I burden his mind with confusion, wanted or unwanted. I told him not to worry, that he wouldn't get hurt, but I think he did.
He didn't understand my heart, the goodness that pumps through it, he felt I'm too nice. But he doesn't realize that's what attracted him to me. He wanted a woman that was kind, sweet, and nice. He thinks I'm not prepare for the life we want, but that's all I've been preparing for. He thinks circumstances ruin things, but nothing is ruin for me. He thinks waiting for me is a waste of time, but waiting on a woman like me is never a mistake.
But nevertheless, he felt hurt and I have to forgive myself for that. I will miss his smile. I will miss his hugs. I will miss his lips. I caused this to go away. I didn't know I would, I didn't think I could, I never wanted to... But I did. Spending time together wasn't enough, I hoped it was. I cherished the moments we shared, but they are only past memories now. I treasured our conversations of best friends, but I have to embrace the silence now.
I hurt him... So me and him can no longer exist.
I hurt him... Never willingly, unexpectedly, apologetically.
I hurt him... Therefore, in the end I hurt myself.
He didn't understand how I could forgive so quickly. He felt I let it go too easily. But what he doesn't understand is forgiveness isn't timed, & letting go isn't hard unless you want it to be. He thinks I'm lost but I think I've found what I've been missing. He thinks I've lost my logic but I think spiritually I'm logically sound. He thinks I'm stuck but inside I'm free.
But nevertheless, he felt hurt and I have to respect that. I hurt his heart, I hurt his expectations, I hurt his emotions, I caused discomfort. I didn't know I would, I didn't think I could, I never wanted to... But I did. My apology wasn't enough, I wish it was. He wants me out of his life, I have no choice but to obey. He wants things to go back to when he didn't know me personally, but it can't.
I hurt him... Not personally but emotionally without even knowing. I caused him discomfort in the area around his heart, the place I promise never to. I caused him emotional instability because he took on the hurt & pain I abandon. I caused confliction in his mind from "what ifs". I burden his heart with feelings, wanted or unwanted. I told him not to fall in love with me but I think he did.
But nevertheless, he felt hurt and I have to understand that. I hurt his trust in himself, I hurt his knowingness, I hurt his hopes, I caused pain. I didn't know I would, I didn't think I could, I never wanted to... But I did. Trying to make it better wasn't enough, I prayed it was. He wants to erase me, I have no choice but to erase him. He wants the life back which didn't include me, but he can't.
I hurt him... Not on purpose but through his feelings unconsciously. I caused him doubt about me, when I never wanted to be a mistake. I caused him to wish me away because he didn't want to have feelings for me anymore. I caused fear in his head from past experiences. I burden his mind with confusion, wanted or unwanted. I told him not to worry, that he wouldn't get hurt, but I think he did.
He didn't understand my heart, the goodness that pumps through it, he felt I'm too nice. But he doesn't realize that's what attracted him to me. He wanted a woman that was kind, sweet, and nice. He thinks I'm not prepare for the life we want, but that's all I've been preparing for. He thinks circumstances ruin things, but nothing is ruin for me. He thinks waiting for me is a waste of time, but waiting on a woman like me is never a mistake.
But nevertheless, he felt hurt and I have to forgive myself for that. I will miss his smile. I will miss his hugs. I will miss his lips. I caused this to go away. I didn't know I would, I didn't think I could, I never wanted to... But I did. Spending time together wasn't enough, I hoped it was. I cherished the moments we shared, but they are only past memories now. I treasured our conversations of best friends, but I have to embrace the silence now.
I hurt him... So me and him can no longer exist.
I hurt him... Never willingly, unexpectedly, apologetically.
I hurt him... Therefore, in the end I hurt myself.
Forgiveness
Most people get confused with understanding what forgiveness is all about, they often think forgiveness means accepting a person apology or just forgetting what one done to you. The meaning of forgiveness is beyond that in every shape and form, it's one of most beautiful things you can give to yourself. Yes, yourself... The meaning of Forgiveness is for You. To forgive is to release yourself of pain, hurt, & burden. To put love and compassion back into your heart and to let go of what you can't change, to give life to tomorrow.
Forgiveness is acceptance that life goes on after hurt, after fear, after pain. It's acceptance to what is. It's acceptance that our fellow humans make mistakes. It's acceptance that love is the only way. Forgiveness is forgiving yourself for allowing such circumstances to happen but knowing those circumstances do not control you or the life you choose to live on this Earth. Forgiveness is not saying you are forgetting what happen but more of you are acceptancing what has happen and choosing to live in love anyway. That, what has happen does not break you but make you wiser in your quest.
You cannot change what people decide to do with their actions, you can only control your reaction to those decisions. Those reactions that you make decide if you want to move forward in love or fear... If you choose fear, which you have every right to choose, then you will not forgive, you will live in hate, you will hold grudges, you will live in anger and unhappiness, you will cut yourself off from others, & you may regret that decision later in life. Fear is not accepting, fear is what is killing our Earth, fear is what is causing us to disconnect from our love. Fear is isolation, fear kills your humanity, fear eventually kills you... The beautiful life you have to offer to others just by being in their presence.
Its okay to feel hurt at first, it's not in your best interest to dwell in the hurt for months or years to come. It only hurts you in the long run, not them. For their life will keep moving while yours stay at a stand still. Letting go is releasing their hold on you, it's releasing your pain. Living in love is knowing what may come your way big or small, bad or horrible, it came for a reason bigger than you & for your own waking up. In life things constantly come into your existence to evolve you into who you are meant to be. It's your choice to evolve or not to, to grow in love or disappear in fear. Forgiveness is love, you can change the course of your journey just by forgiving others which ultimately in the end is yourself.
Until next time:)
Forgiveness is acceptance that life goes on after hurt, after fear, after pain. It's acceptance to what is. It's acceptance that our fellow humans make mistakes. It's acceptance that love is the only way. Forgiveness is forgiving yourself for allowing such circumstances to happen but knowing those circumstances do not control you or the life you choose to live on this Earth. Forgiveness is not saying you are forgetting what happen but more of you are acceptancing what has happen and choosing to live in love anyway. That, what has happen does not break you but make you wiser in your quest.
You cannot change what people decide to do with their actions, you can only control your reaction to those decisions. Those reactions that you make decide if you want to move forward in love or fear... If you choose fear, which you have every right to choose, then you will not forgive, you will live in hate, you will hold grudges, you will live in anger and unhappiness, you will cut yourself off from others, & you may regret that decision later in life. Fear is not accepting, fear is what is killing our Earth, fear is what is causing us to disconnect from our love. Fear is isolation, fear kills your humanity, fear eventually kills you... The beautiful life you have to offer to others just by being in their presence.
Its okay to feel hurt at first, it's not in your best interest to dwell in the hurt for months or years to come. It only hurts you in the long run, not them. For their life will keep moving while yours stay at a stand still. Letting go is releasing their hold on you, it's releasing your pain. Living in love is knowing what may come your way big or small, bad or horrible, it came for a reason bigger than you & for your own waking up. In life things constantly come into your existence to evolve you into who you are meant to be. It's your choice to evolve or not to, to grow in love or disappear in fear. Forgiveness is love, you can change the course of your journey just by forgiving others which ultimately in the end is yourself.
Until next time:)
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