Poetry: I hurt him...

Sometimes I hurt people unintentionally, most people do. I chose to forgive in love and by that action it cause hurt. My choice to forgive was my decision to follow the path of love that my spiritual journey has taught me. Now I understand most people can not comprehend forgiving horrible situations. I use to think like that too but what I've learned is forgiveness is for yourself. I reside now in a different place of consciousness, I live in a state of love. No one can take away anything from me because only I can give it meaning. No one can hurt me unless I give them permission to. No one can take my humanity or dignity unless I say that they can. My inner strength is way stronger than my physical being. My heart is good and my kindness exceeds my hurt.

He didn't understand how I could forgive so quickly. He felt I let it go too easily. But what he doesn't understand is forgiveness isn't timed, & letting go isn't hard unless you want it to be. He thinks I'm lost but I think I've found what I've been missing. He thinks I've lost my logic but I think spiritually I'm logically sound. He thinks I'm stuck but inside I'm free.

But nevertheless, he felt hurt and I have to respect that. I hurt his heart, I hurt his expectations, I hurt his emotions, I caused discomfort. I didn't know I would, I didn't think I could, I never wanted to... But I did. My apology wasn't enough, I wish it was. He wants me out of his life, I have no choice but to obey. He wants things to go back to when he didn't know me personally, but it can't.

I hurt him... Not personally but emotionally without even knowing. I caused him discomfort in the area around his heart, the place I promise never to. I caused him emotional instability because he took on the hurt & pain I abandon. I caused confliction in his mind from "what ifs". I burden his heart with feelings, wanted or unwanted. I told him not to fall in love with me but I think he did.

But nevertheless, he felt hurt and I have to understand that. I hurt his trust in himself, I hurt his knowingness, I hurt his hopes, I caused pain. I didn't know I would, I didn't think I could, I never wanted to... But I did. Trying to make it better wasn't enough, I prayed it was. He wants to erase me, I have no choice but to erase him. He wants the life back which didn't include me, but he can't.

I hurt him... Not on purpose but through his feelings unconsciously. I caused him doubt about me, when I never wanted to be a mistake. I caused him to wish me away because he didn't want to have feelings for me anymore. I caused fear in his head from past experiences. I burden his mind with confusion, wanted or unwanted. I told him not to worry, that he wouldn't get hurt, but I think he did.

He didn't understand my heart, the goodness that pumps through it, he felt I'm too nice. But he doesn't realize that's what attracted him to me. He wanted a woman that was kind, sweet, and nice. He thinks I'm not prepare for the life we want, but that's all I've been preparing for. He thinks circumstances ruin things, but nothing is ruin for me. He thinks waiting for me is a waste of time, but waiting on a woman like me is never a mistake.

But nevertheless, he felt hurt and I have to forgive myself for that. I will miss his smile. I will miss his hugs. I will miss his lips. I caused this to go away. I didn't know I would, I didn't think I could, I never wanted to... But I did. Spending time together wasn't enough, I hoped it was. I cherished the moments we shared, but they are only past memories now. I treasured our conversations of best friends, but I have to embrace the silence now.

I hurt him... So me and him can no longer exist.
I hurt him... Never willingly, unexpectedly, apologetically.
I hurt him... Therefore, in the end I hurt myself.