Is it time to start dating again?

Dating is a tricky subject for me because I don't want to date just to date and then again I miss that closeness of ones hugs. But with dating comes the drama of someone else's life that you have to accept or the attachment to their affection. You have to deal with their baggage or trust issues that has nothing to do with you. You have to constantly stare at the fear in their eyes of another bad relationship approaching. Or the continuous game playing or tests to prove your worthiness for their love.

Dating use to be about fun and excitement of just getting to know each other. No obligations, just pure one on one fun.

Do I want to go through that? No, I don't. After over a year of celibacy and singleness I don't want drama or fights, just peace & freedom. I don't want to play with anyone's emotions or feelings, I don't want to complicate my life or anyone else's. It took one relationship to show me pain, uncertainty, and how much tears I'm capable of shedding. But it also taught me how loyal and devoted I could be, and how hard I will fight and sacrifice to stay. I never want to be careless or give up my happiness just so I don't have to say goodbye. When I give someone my heart it's for them to cherish it or beat it down. I've went through a year of transformation in a process called "finding myself" and in that process I've found my heart again, I've found my innocence, I've found my soul. I love myself again for the person I am. I'm proud of that and I will not let anyone take that away again ever.

Another reason why I don't think I'm ready, has to do with maybe me being a Taurus. My sometimes possessing nature. I don't share with anyone. If you are with me than you are with me. Problem with that is I'm not willing to make that commitment yet so it would be wrong for me to ask that of someone else.

So am I ready? No, I don't think I am.
Until next time:)

Dear Gosford Millington

This wonderful funny man named Gosford Tyler Millington died of cancer December 19,2009. I never knew this, I just found out & I'm heartbroken that I was not there for him. I've literally been crying my eyes out because I did not know he died. I'm sorry Gosford that I was not there for you mi amor, I'm sorry you died without me knowing. I'm sorry that all I have to give right now is sorrow, regret, and tears. I wish I could've been a better friend to you, I wish I'd stayed present in your life. I wish you had more time here so I could love you and be there for you like you wanted. I'm sorry for being naive and blind to your feelings. I'm sorry I couldn't be more to you. I'm sorry I ignored your love for me. I'm sorry you're gone. I miss you, I love you, I'm sorry. I hope you are in peace, I hope you are experiencing true joy now, I hope God is shining upon you his everlasting love. I hope you see me & know I'm sorry for not being there to hold your hand. Your presence was felt in my life & you made me happier with your smile & your love. I hope I gave you happiness while u were here. May God bless and keep your soul in heaven, & watch over me when u can. I love you Gosford, I wish I told u that before you left this Earth. Your laughter and silliness will always remain in my heart forever. Goodbye my angel;(