Dating is a tricky subject for me because I don't want to date just to date and then again I miss that closeness of ones hugs. But with dating comes the drama of someone else's life that you have to accept or the attachment to their affection. You have to deal with their baggage or trust issues that has nothing to do with you. You have to constantly stare at the fear in their eyes of another bad relationship approaching. Or the continuous game playing or tests to prove your worthiness for their love.
Dating use to be about fun and excitement of just getting to know each other. No obligations, just pure one on one fun.
Do I want to go through that? No, I don't. After over a year of celibacy and singleness I don't want drama or fights, just peace & freedom. I don't want to play with anyone's emotions or feelings, I don't want to complicate my life or anyone else's. It took one relationship to show me pain, uncertainty, and how much tears I'm capable of shedding. But it also taught me how loyal and devoted I could be, and how hard I will fight and sacrifice to stay. I never want to be careless or give up my happiness just so I don't have to say goodbye. When I give someone my heart it's for them to cherish it or beat it down. I've went through a year of transformation in a process called "finding myself" and in that process I've found my heart again, I've found my innocence, I've found my soul. I love myself again for the person I am. I'm proud of that and I will not let anyone take that away again ever.
Another reason why I don't think I'm ready, has to do with maybe me being a Taurus. My sometimes possessing nature. I don't share with anyone. If you are with me than you are with me. Problem with that is I'm not willing to make that commitment yet so it would be wrong for me to ask that of someone else.
So am I ready? No, I don't think I am.
Until next time:)
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