My Advice To Married Couples After Divorcing My Wife Of 16 Years By Gerald Rogers.
Www.afterjujuman.com
Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had
1. Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.
2. Protect your own heart. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.
3. Fall in love over and over again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.
4. Always see the best in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.
5. It’s not your job to change or fix her… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.
6. Take full accountability for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.
7. Never blame your wife if you get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.
8. Allow your woman to just be. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.
9. Be silly… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.
10. Fill her soul everyday… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.
11. Be present. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.
12. Be willing to take her sexually, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.
13. Don’t be an idiot…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.
14. Give her space… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)
15. Be vulnerable… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.
16. Be fully transparent. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.
17. Never stop growing together… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.
18. Don’t worry about money. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.
19. Forgive immediately and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.
20. Always choose love. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.
In the end marriage isn’t about happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come. Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.
These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late. But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I loved being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.
If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.
MEN- THIS IS YOUR CHARGE: Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from you. Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.
(From the Editor: We wish to thank Joachim Cabanyes for sending it to us for publication, Joachim Cabanyes is an honorary member of Authors-choice blog.)
Sunday, July 19, 2015
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
Our Fear Of Being Vulnerable Is Why We’re Missing Out On Love
Zara Barrie
Zara Barrie in Dating
Jul 14, 2015 • 1:32pm
Elitedaily.com
....
Is this universal FEAR of vulnerability the very reason our relationships tend to be fleeting and meaningless?
We fear being hurt more than we want love.
I don’t know a single person, male or female, who doesn’t want love.
He might hide behind the mask of cynicism. She might not be ready. He might be a narcissist — regardless of the endless stream of issues we are laden with — at the end of the day, we all WANT to love.
Someday. Sometime.
But what’s greater? What is more profound? Is the fear of hitting the ground so overwhelmingly powerful that it overrides the desire to fall?
Are we all so collectively damaged that we choose fear over love? We can’t experience love without making ourselves vulnerable.
The walls must come down for us to really be seen. We need to let people truly see us if we want the love to be real.
Otherwise, it’s nothing more than a falsified, fantasy love. It’s people falling for the perfectly curated version of you, not the real you.
We are afraid to surrender our power.
We are a generation of control freaks. We vehemently control our image on social media.
We take pills to control our short, rapid-fire, fleeting attention spans. F*ck, we take pills to control our feelings.
When we’re vulnerable to another human being, we lose the tight fist of control. We are suddenly stripped of our power.
When we are raw and exposed, we give our partners the opportunity to get to know us. All of us. It’s only when people know us that they can hurt us.
Otherwise it’s just ego bruise, and we can recover much faster from a cracked ego than a broken heart.
We are scarred from the past.
We all have that one scar that cuts so deep; we never want feel that pain again.
We all have experienced the trauma of opening up to someone who royally f*cked us over. We have all put our trust in someone who took it and recklessly ran with it.
Is the damage from the past what makes us so afraid to ever dare allow ourselves to open up again?
We are afraid we won’t like what we see.
We are so terrified that if we were to strip ourselves of our sky-high walls and let you in, you would see us. The real us.
What if you saw us without heaps of expensive makeup, sans Instagram filters, with zero protective layers of designer outerwear- — and you didn’t like what you saw?
Are we afraid that if we were to allow someone into our protective, precious orb — and this person didn’t like how it felt in that sacred space — we wouldn’t be able to recover?
Herein lies the tricky part of this protective method: When we are hit with the unexpected fist of true love, our walls will naturally be inclined to ever-so-slightly lower.
Even the most guarded girl in the world isn’t immune to the powerful force of love.
If you’re lucky enough to feel it, don’t resist it. Don’t stave yourself from the most profound experience of your life because you’re afraid to feel the scary feelings.
By cutting yourself off from feeling vulnerable, you’re also cutting yourself off from the most wonderful feelings in the universe.
You have to open yourself up and let the good in, even if it means risking feeling some bad.
And if you do find yourself hurt — because it CAN happen — always remember this: There is no pain in the world you can’t recover from. I promise. It’s all worth it.
Zara Barrie in Dating
Jul 14, 2015 • 1:32pm
Elitedaily.com
....
Is this universal FEAR of vulnerability the very reason our relationships tend to be fleeting and meaningless?
We fear being hurt more than we want love.
I don’t know a single person, male or female, who doesn’t want love.
He might hide behind the mask of cynicism. She might not be ready. He might be a narcissist — regardless of the endless stream of issues we are laden with — at the end of the day, we all WANT to love.
Someday. Sometime.
But what’s greater? What is more profound? Is the fear of hitting the ground so overwhelmingly powerful that it overrides the desire to fall?
Are we all so collectively damaged that we choose fear over love? We can’t experience love without making ourselves vulnerable.
The walls must come down for us to really be seen. We need to let people truly see us if we want the love to be real.
Otherwise, it’s nothing more than a falsified, fantasy love. It’s people falling for the perfectly curated version of you, not the real you.
We are afraid to surrender our power.
We are a generation of control freaks. We vehemently control our image on social media.
We take pills to control our short, rapid-fire, fleeting attention spans. F*ck, we take pills to control our feelings.
When we’re vulnerable to another human being, we lose the tight fist of control. We are suddenly stripped of our power.
When we are raw and exposed, we give our partners the opportunity to get to know us. All of us. It’s only when people know us that they can hurt us.
Otherwise it’s just ego bruise, and we can recover much faster from a cracked ego than a broken heart.
We are scarred from the past.
We all have that one scar that cuts so deep; we never want feel that pain again.
We all have experienced the trauma of opening up to someone who royally f*cked us over. We have all put our trust in someone who took it and recklessly ran with it.
Is the damage from the past what makes us so afraid to ever dare allow ourselves to open up again?
We are afraid we won’t like what we see.
We are so terrified that if we were to strip ourselves of our sky-high walls and let you in, you would see us. The real us.
What if you saw us without heaps of expensive makeup, sans Instagram filters, with zero protective layers of designer outerwear- — and you didn’t like what you saw?
Are we afraid that if we were to allow someone into our protective, precious orb — and this person didn’t like how it felt in that sacred space — we wouldn’t be able to recover?
Herein lies the tricky part of this protective method: When we are hit with the unexpected fist of true love, our walls will naturally be inclined to ever-so-slightly lower.
Even the most guarded girl in the world isn’t immune to the powerful force of love.
If you’re lucky enough to feel it, don’t resist it. Don’t stave yourself from the most profound experience of your life because you’re afraid to feel the scary feelings.
By cutting yourself off from feeling vulnerable, you’re also cutting yourself off from the most wonderful feelings in the universe.
You have to open yourself up and let the good in, even if it means risking feeling some bad.
And if you do find yourself hurt — because it CAN happen — always remember this: There is no pain in the world you can’t recover from. I promise. It’s all worth it.
Monday, July 13, 2015
It’s Perfectly Okay To Not Know If Someone Is Your Forever Right Away
Paul Hudson
Paul Hudson in Dating
Jun 16, 2015 • 5:00pm
Elitedaily.com
How do you know if someone is “the one”? The truth is, there’s no absolute way of knowing — ever.
Most of what we experience in life amounts to little more than an illusion. I understand how real the emotions we experience feel to us.
I understand how our concerns, our passions, our realities seem so incredibly tangible, so honest and true.
The problem is, it’s all in our heads. It’s all in the minds of conscious beings — if it weren’t for consciousness, nothing would matter because there would be no one or thing for it to matter to.
Nothing in life is for certain. Nothing in life is entirely guaranteed. Nothing in the universe, in existence, is constant or everlasting.
I’m Attracted To DILFs And I Don’t Give A F*ck
You can’t possibly know if someone is your forever because it isn’t possible to know.
The beauty of it is if nothing in this universe is for certain, then everything is possible. Literally everything. There is some chance of every possibility, every possible reality coming to being.
Regardless of whether you believe in predetermination or not, because you don’t know the outcome of a situation, it exists in a state of uncertainty, a state of possibility, a state of both existing and not existing, simultaneously.
So is falling in love, meeting the love of your life — your forever — a choice? A decision? Pure luck?
As everything in life is, it’s a combination of everything. It’s easy to get washed away by life, pulled downstream seemingly against our will.
But in reality, nothing is entirely against our will. Everything that happens in our lives, the things that seem to happen by chance, that seem to happen, not by our design but rather happen to us, are partially designed by our own hand.
We are where we are, in the situation we find ourselves in, living the life we are living because of the choices we made.
Even if some parts of our reality are out of our control, if you believe in free will, then you must accept that had you not chosen the path in life you chose, the predicament you are now finding yourself in would have not been a likely possibility.
Human beings love to simplify. We love to take a three-dimensional scenario and break it apart, removing what we believe to be fluff, what we reason to be trivial, having no effect on the outcome or meaning.
But the fact is that every time we remove a part of our existence from the equation, believing it does not affect the rest of reality, we are in fact altering that reality.
It’s true. Some things, events, concepts, experiences, thoughts, truths, states have less of an effect on their surrounding parts than do others, but people love to oversimplify.
We have this odd belief that if we ourselves aren’t capable of understanding it — whatever it may be — if we ourselves can’t process all the information, understand how all the pieces fit together, then all that we don’t understand the importance of must be unnecessary.
Nothing could be further from the truth. There are limits to our cognitive abilities just as there are limits to everything else in life, in existence.
People will never fully understand the world nor the reality we exist in because we simply don’t have the processing power. We can’t keep track of all the connections.
So what does this all mean? It means we’re all shooting in the dark. We are all hoping we’re making the best possible choices, but without knowing any outcome for certain, you never know if the decisions you are making are going to take you down the path which you want to be taken down.
Of course, as with all possibilities, some have more of a chance of coming to fruition than others.
Some things are more or less likely to bring about a certain outcome than others.
We never know for certain whether or not we will reach our chosen destination, but there is honestly nothing more we can do than play the odds and hope for the best.
When you’re meeting someone new, someone you like, someone you are considering as a life partner, you can never be certain he or she will be your forever.
There are countless scenarios that are, in fact, out of your control that can change the outcome of any relationship, change the direction of any life.
Promises of an undying love are romantic — maybe even necessary, if only because of the culture we’ve created — but they amount to little more than wishful thinking.
You are just as likely to fall out of love with, or lose, someone you thought you’d love and hold forever as you are to not be able to let go of someone you never thought you’d have an issue letting go of.
As the saying goes, “Love works in mysterious ways.” The truth is those ways aren’t really mysterious.
There are cause and effect relationships to be found and understood, but love and life are so incredibly complex that trying to dig into it overwhelms us.
It’s not that you’re dumb — relatively speaking, human beings are all dumb. We simply dub love as mysterious because we can’t comprehend its complexity.
You could meet the love of your life walking down the street and not realize it until after months and months of dating.
Just the same, you could fall for someone in an instance and spend the rest of your lives together.
It’s even possible to have dated the love of your life and lost him or her, only to realize the huge mistake you made.
Of course, there is always a possibility for a new love. There is always a possibility of starting anew and building a grander or different love, however, the exact opposite is also true.
I can’t say which is more likely because it depends on the circumstance, but as long as there is a possibility for love in your life, you need to do your best to aim for it.
You may succeed, you may fail — there’s only one way to know for sure. It’s okay to not know if someone is your forever right away because, in reality, you never know.
You can hope. You can wish. You can even do your best to make it so. But at the end of the day, anything can happen.
Things out of your control can destroy just as things out of your control can create. All I can recommend is focusing on that which you do have some control over and then hoping for the best.
I’m afraid you’re not guaranteed a happy ending, but you definitely are in for a hell of a ride.
Paul Hudson in Dating
Jun 16, 2015 • 5:00pm
Elitedaily.com
How do you know if someone is “the one”? The truth is, there’s no absolute way of knowing — ever.
Most of what we experience in life amounts to little more than an illusion. I understand how real the emotions we experience feel to us.
I understand how our concerns, our passions, our realities seem so incredibly tangible, so honest and true.
The problem is, it’s all in our heads. It’s all in the minds of conscious beings — if it weren’t for consciousness, nothing would matter because there would be no one or thing for it to matter to.
Nothing in life is for certain. Nothing in life is entirely guaranteed. Nothing in the universe, in existence, is constant or everlasting.
I’m Attracted To DILFs And I Don’t Give A F*ck
You can’t possibly know if someone is your forever because it isn’t possible to know.
The beauty of it is if nothing in this universe is for certain, then everything is possible. Literally everything. There is some chance of every possibility, every possible reality coming to being.
Regardless of whether you believe in predetermination or not, because you don’t know the outcome of a situation, it exists in a state of uncertainty, a state of possibility, a state of both existing and not existing, simultaneously.
So is falling in love, meeting the love of your life — your forever — a choice? A decision? Pure luck?
As everything in life is, it’s a combination of everything. It’s easy to get washed away by life, pulled downstream seemingly against our will.
But in reality, nothing is entirely against our will. Everything that happens in our lives, the things that seem to happen by chance, that seem to happen, not by our design but rather happen to us, are partially designed by our own hand.
We are where we are, in the situation we find ourselves in, living the life we are living because of the choices we made.
Even if some parts of our reality are out of our control, if you believe in free will, then you must accept that had you not chosen the path in life you chose, the predicament you are now finding yourself in would have not been a likely possibility.
Human beings love to simplify. We love to take a three-dimensional scenario and break it apart, removing what we believe to be fluff, what we reason to be trivial, having no effect on the outcome or meaning.
But the fact is that every time we remove a part of our existence from the equation, believing it does not affect the rest of reality, we are in fact altering that reality.
It’s true. Some things, events, concepts, experiences, thoughts, truths, states have less of an effect on their surrounding parts than do others, but people love to oversimplify.
We have this odd belief that if we ourselves aren’t capable of understanding it — whatever it may be — if we ourselves can’t process all the information, understand how all the pieces fit together, then all that we don’t understand the importance of must be unnecessary.
Nothing could be further from the truth. There are limits to our cognitive abilities just as there are limits to everything else in life, in existence.
People will never fully understand the world nor the reality we exist in because we simply don’t have the processing power. We can’t keep track of all the connections.
So what does this all mean? It means we’re all shooting in the dark. We are all hoping we’re making the best possible choices, but without knowing any outcome for certain, you never know if the decisions you are making are going to take you down the path which you want to be taken down.
Of course, as with all possibilities, some have more of a chance of coming to fruition than others.
Some things are more or less likely to bring about a certain outcome than others.
We never know for certain whether or not we will reach our chosen destination, but there is honestly nothing more we can do than play the odds and hope for the best.
When you’re meeting someone new, someone you like, someone you are considering as a life partner, you can never be certain he or she will be your forever.
There are countless scenarios that are, in fact, out of your control that can change the outcome of any relationship, change the direction of any life.
Promises of an undying love are romantic — maybe even necessary, if only because of the culture we’ve created — but they amount to little more than wishful thinking.
You are just as likely to fall out of love with, or lose, someone you thought you’d love and hold forever as you are to not be able to let go of someone you never thought you’d have an issue letting go of.
As the saying goes, “Love works in mysterious ways.” The truth is those ways aren’t really mysterious.
There are cause and effect relationships to be found and understood, but love and life are so incredibly complex that trying to dig into it overwhelms us.
It’s not that you’re dumb — relatively speaking, human beings are all dumb. We simply dub love as mysterious because we can’t comprehend its complexity.
You could meet the love of your life walking down the street and not realize it until after months and months of dating.
Just the same, you could fall for someone in an instance and spend the rest of your lives together.
It’s even possible to have dated the love of your life and lost him or her, only to realize the huge mistake you made.
Of course, there is always a possibility for a new love. There is always a possibility of starting anew and building a grander or different love, however, the exact opposite is also true.
I can’t say which is more likely because it depends on the circumstance, but as long as there is a possibility for love in your life, you need to do your best to aim for it.
You may succeed, you may fail — there’s only one way to know for sure. It’s okay to not know if someone is your forever right away because, in reality, you never know.
You can hope. You can wish. You can even do your best to make it so. But at the end of the day, anything can happen.
Things out of your control can destroy just as things out of your control can create. All I can recommend is focusing on that which you do have some control over and then hoping for the best.
I’m afraid you’re not guaranteed a happy ending, but you definitely are in for a hell of a ride.
Wednesday, June 17, 2015
I surrender....
I did not give up, I'm just tired of getting my feelings hurt every time I show how I feel. It's not easy to get rejected over and over again when you try to be vulnerable. It's heartbreaking to know that whatever you try to do, it won't work. I wish it was as easy as eating a slice of cake with a cold glass of milk instead of feeling like a thousand daggers being shot at your heart. Hurt is like an evil twin taunting you and criticizing you every time you get too close. Like the cock blocking ugly friend that can't get love so don't want any other person to have it. There's no fighting hurt because it will win in every battle. The more the ego identify with it, the more stronger it gets. It's almost similar to David fighting Goliath but with no slingshot. No amount of reasons or sorry's or tears can kill this hurt. Even if you caused this hurt (intentionally or unintentionally) or didn't cause it, you will be trying to climb up a mountain made of quick sand. People personalize hurt to the point it becomes all about them and how they feel. Forget you and your feelings because it's all your fault and I'm gonna blame you until I push you away. I know, I've been there. Subconsciously, you want that person to feel as much pain as you because only then will they understand the hurt they caused you. On top of that is the entitlement you feel, because you are entitled to feel how you feel, you didn't hurt them... They hurt you so they should take the verbal beating... It's their fault. I felt that way before too. And what does the person taking all the verbal beating do? They take it & try to fight harder for forgiveness because deep down they already feel guilty.
I've been on both sides of the fence... The one that got hurt and the one who unintentionally hurt another. Of course, being the one to get hurt... I blamed and accused, I felt entitled because I didn't hurt anyone. I held on to the hurt so closely to guard my heart from any other pain. I started feeling numb and started not caring about the reasons or excuses. You hurt me as I thought... So suffer the consequences of the person it changed me into. I wasn't gonna be the same naive person that got hurt, no! I had Goliath with me now. It was gonna protect me and make me feel powerful, I had the upper hand. In that hurt, it started killing my joy, killing my feelings, causing me to overthink, making me confused. I felt like I could forgive but that would leave my heart vurnerble again and it felt safe behind the hurt. That's what I wanted... I just wanted my heart to be safe... Even if the hurt was sucking my happiness away... Draining my energy. The more I pushed him away, one would think I would be happy but I wasn't. Articles and advice justified my behavior and validated how I felt. I didn't gravitate towards things I didn't want to hear about healing and forgiving. I didn't care if he walked away... That would be his fault for hurting me anyway. I didn't want to heal, I was numb to the pain and I was safe behind the hurt... What more could I want. But somehow I kept searching for answers. I needed clarity for the confusion. How could he hurt me after I was good to him? Did I really want to call it's quits for us? If we got back together, would he hurt me again? The advice was telling me to move on but why did I want to try again? I still cared that's why and that part of me was still holding on.
I took him back and he cheated again. I know the thought that comes up is... I should've took the advice. But the truth is, I didn't need general advice from random people. All I had to do was to look with my own eyes and feel with my own heart. I knew he was bad news when I met him, I knew he had a history of cheating on multiple girls, I knew he was a big flirt, I knew he was a ladies man. Even after hearing his words of "growing up", after he hurt me the first time... What change did he do to back of his words of never intentionally hurting me again. He just gave me empty words. He didn't stop doing or try to change what he previously did because he didn't want to change. He wasn't ready to commit to me or grow up. He didn't try to correct his behavior... He just tried to hide his cheating better. In this case, he didn't deserve another chance with me. In this case, the general advice did apply to him because he saw no harm in hurting people. He didn't see no wrong in his actions or care much to fix it. He wanted women, he craved women, he felt being with one woman was boring. He enjoyed cheating but wanted me too. He didn't mind seeing me hurt, he just didn't like who I became after so he feed me more lies. I knew in my heart that he wasn't a good person to be in a relationship with but I thought he would change for me.
Totally on the opposite side, I thought I could never hurt someone I cared about with my actions. I always pride myself to be selfless, respectful and putting people feelings before mines. I knew how it felt to be hurt so I never wanted to cause hurt to anyone else. I didn't know that "I didn't do it on purpose" and "I did do it on purpose" felt like the same thing. I didn't know that withholding personal information until I was ready to expose it could've protected someone's heart if I told it sooner. However, intentional actions from dude above cause so much hurt around my heart that I closed my heart to a lot of stuff thinking no one would get close enough for me to want to bare my secrets to & let my Goliath step to the side. I was safe with my heart guarded, no one needed to know the pain it carried... I didn't want to be open & vurnerble to the world. I just wanted to pretend everything was okay... My world was chaotic and destructive. With my guard up, nothing could hurt me because I was numb and couldn't feel. Then unexpectedly someone came along and started chipping at the layers of protection. My Goliath was strong, he wouldn't get close enough. I tried pushing away but he kept coming back harder. I was smiling again, laughing again, gaming again, going out again, having fun again, expressing myself again, curious again. Hidden information #1: I was now liking two people at the same time, one was making me happy and one was making me miserable. I never liked two people at once & couldn't live with myself to lead two people on at the same time. I wasn't officially dating anyone. But I decided to not focus on one and focus on the other. Focus my curiosity but my hurt wasn't gonna let him get closer. I guess my Goliath was mighty after all because I was pushing everybody away. My focus started curving me from a lack of return interest and my unfocused decided to call it quits & left me for not returning his advances. A funny thing happened, my heart felt broken. No one ever left me before. Though I was sad, I was glad too because dude above hurt me again... Being alone again, I didn't have to tell anyone so my biggest secret was safe. Months later, my focus came back into focus. Immediately and more determined now... He started chipping harder. The more I saw him... The more my guard got weaker. I started feeling guilty, I had to tell him hidden secret #2: I was in a unhealthy living situation. I was prepared... Guard was up... Just in case he couldn't rock with it. But he wanted to keep moving forward. I wanted to tell him the deepest secret but I didn't want to tell anyone ever. Hey, he wouldn't get any closer to my heart anyway.
Six months later, we are exclusively dating and exchanging "I love you's". Piece by piece I was opening up to him about everything. I reasoned that my hidden secret happened before him and I didn't want to open those wounds... It was better for me to just forget and not think of the past. We both fell deeper and deeper.
Unfortunately, the deeper secret happened again. I previously thought my prayers were answered and that it would never happen again. 14 months of healing and forgiving and truly believe things would be different... Vanished. I was once again in the same position. I wanted to end things with my focus... I wanted to crawl in a hole. Maybe I did't have to feel all this pain again I thought. Maybe I could protect myself by going back to pretending. The pain was to unbearable to express, to tell anyone, to relieve again by talking... I just wanted it to go away. I wanted to feel safe, so safe meant to let Goliath guard it. I knew it was selfish not to at least tell my focus but how do one even say the words. I was lost and confused. I didn't want to cave under depression. I just wanted to feel normal and the only way to be normal was to pretend nothing happened. So I did.
By the end of the year, my life was crashing down on me. I had to tell someone... The secret was killing my inside. I couldn't pretend anymore. I couldn't accept feeling like a fraud anymore. I didn't want the shame and judgement I knew would follow after but I felt I was suffocating inside. So I told the one person I wanted to tell, the one person that deserved to know once we decided to become exclusive... My focus. We never been the same since. Though I can't change the past, I take full responsibility for not making the best decisions in a traumatic state of mind that started long before my focus. I sudve closed myself off to every and anybody until I got healing for the hurt and found a healthy living environment. Goliath couldn't protect me, my guard crumbled once I told someone what happened to me. I was left exposed and vulnerable... Bare bones with no one to comfort me.
I'm now healing the right way. Forgiving the right way. Making decisions the right way. Loving myself the right way. Making peace with the choices and healing the pain. I know I've made mistakes and I know my mind wasn't in the right state back then. Trauma has a way of destroying your life if one doesn't get help, I learnt the hard way. But there were blessings from all of it. I never want to hurt anyone again from my choices. I'm making the necessary behavioral changes to better myself. But my one guilt or regret is hurting him... He didn't deserve it. I surrender forcing him to see my side or trying to get his forgiveness. His healing will be on his time and I have no control of that outcome. I don't give up but I surrender to the back and forth fighting. The daggers get shaper every time and it's draining me dry. I surrender to supporting the process and helping if I can. I surrender by praying for his healing and hoping for the best. I surrender.
I've been on both sides of the fence... The one that got hurt and the one who unintentionally hurt another. Of course, being the one to get hurt... I blamed and accused, I felt entitled because I didn't hurt anyone. I held on to the hurt so closely to guard my heart from any other pain. I started feeling numb and started not caring about the reasons or excuses. You hurt me as I thought... So suffer the consequences of the person it changed me into. I wasn't gonna be the same naive person that got hurt, no! I had Goliath with me now. It was gonna protect me and make me feel powerful, I had the upper hand. In that hurt, it started killing my joy, killing my feelings, causing me to overthink, making me confused. I felt like I could forgive but that would leave my heart vurnerble again and it felt safe behind the hurt. That's what I wanted... I just wanted my heart to be safe... Even if the hurt was sucking my happiness away... Draining my energy. The more I pushed him away, one would think I would be happy but I wasn't. Articles and advice justified my behavior and validated how I felt. I didn't gravitate towards things I didn't want to hear about healing and forgiving. I didn't care if he walked away... That would be his fault for hurting me anyway. I didn't want to heal, I was numb to the pain and I was safe behind the hurt... What more could I want. But somehow I kept searching for answers. I needed clarity for the confusion. How could he hurt me after I was good to him? Did I really want to call it's quits for us? If we got back together, would he hurt me again? The advice was telling me to move on but why did I want to try again? I still cared that's why and that part of me was still holding on.
I took him back and he cheated again. I know the thought that comes up is... I should've took the advice. But the truth is, I didn't need general advice from random people. All I had to do was to look with my own eyes and feel with my own heart. I knew he was bad news when I met him, I knew he had a history of cheating on multiple girls, I knew he was a big flirt, I knew he was a ladies man. Even after hearing his words of "growing up", after he hurt me the first time... What change did he do to back of his words of never intentionally hurting me again. He just gave me empty words. He didn't stop doing or try to change what he previously did because he didn't want to change. He wasn't ready to commit to me or grow up. He didn't try to correct his behavior... He just tried to hide his cheating better. In this case, he didn't deserve another chance with me. In this case, the general advice did apply to him because he saw no harm in hurting people. He didn't see no wrong in his actions or care much to fix it. He wanted women, he craved women, he felt being with one woman was boring. He enjoyed cheating but wanted me too. He didn't mind seeing me hurt, he just didn't like who I became after so he feed me more lies. I knew in my heart that he wasn't a good person to be in a relationship with but I thought he would change for me.
Totally on the opposite side, I thought I could never hurt someone I cared about with my actions. I always pride myself to be selfless, respectful and putting people feelings before mines. I knew how it felt to be hurt so I never wanted to cause hurt to anyone else. I didn't know that "I didn't do it on purpose" and "I did do it on purpose" felt like the same thing. I didn't know that withholding personal information until I was ready to expose it could've protected someone's heart if I told it sooner. However, intentional actions from dude above cause so much hurt around my heart that I closed my heart to a lot of stuff thinking no one would get close enough for me to want to bare my secrets to & let my Goliath step to the side. I was safe with my heart guarded, no one needed to know the pain it carried... I didn't want to be open & vurnerble to the world. I just wanted to pretend everything was okay... My world was chaotic and destructive. With my guard up, nothing could hurt me because I was numb and couldn't feel. Then unexpectedly someone came along and started chipping at the layers of protection. My Goliath was strong, he wouldn't get close enough. I tried pushing away but he kept coming back harder. I was smiling again, laughing again, gaming again, going out again, having fun again, expressing myself again, curious again. Hidden information #1: I was now liking two people at the same time, one was making me happy and one was making me miserable. I never liked two people at once & couldn't live with myself to lead two people on at the same time. I wasn't officially dating anyone. But I decided to not focus on one and focus on the other. Focus my curiosity but my hurt wasn't gonna let him get closer. I guess my Goliath was mighty after all because I was pushing everybody away. My focus started curving me from a lack of return interest and my unfocused decided to call it quits & left me for not returning his advances. A funny thing happened, my heart felt broken. No one ever left me before. Though I was sad, I was glad too because dude above hurt me again... Being alone again, I didn't have to tell anyone so my biggest secret was safe. Months later, my focus came back into focus. Immediately and more determined now... He started chipping harder. The more I saw him... The more my guard got weaker. I started feeling guilty, I had to tell him hidden secret #2: I was in a unhealthy living situation. I was prepared... Guard was up... Just in case he couldn't rock with it. But he wanted to keep moving forward. I wanted to tell him the deepest secret but I didn't want to tell anyone ever. Hey, he wouldn't get any closer to my heart anyway.
Six months later, we are exclusively dating and exchanging "I love you's". Piece by piece I was opening up to him about everything. I reasoned that my hidden secret happened before him and I didn't want to open those wounds... It was better for me to just forget and not think of the past. We both fell deeper and deeper.
Unfortunately, the deeper secret happened again. I previously thought my prayers were answered and that it would never happen again. 14 months of healing and forgiving and truly believe things would be different... Vanished. I was once again in the same position. I wanted to end things with my focus... I wanted to crawl in a hole. Maybe I did't have to feel all this pain again I thought. Maybe I could protect myself by going back to pretending. The pain was to unbearable to express, to tell anyone, to relieve again by talking... I just wanted it to go away. I wanted to feel safe, so safe meant to let Goliath guard it. I knew it was selfish not to at least tell my focus but how do one even say the words. I was lost and confused. I didn't want to cave under depression. I just wanted to feel normal and the only way to be normal was to pretend nothing happened. So I did.
By the end of the year, my life was crashing down on me. I had to tell someone... The secret was killing my inside. I couldn't pretend anymore. I couldn't accept feeling like a fraud anymore. I didn't want the shame and judgement I knew would follow after but I felt I was suffocating inside. So I told the one person I wanted to tell, the one person that deserved to know once we decided to become exclusive... My focus. We never been the same since. Though I can't change the past, I take full responsibility for not making the best decisions in a traumatic state of mind that started long before my focus. I sudve closed myself off to every and anybody until I got healing for the hurt and found a healthy living environment. Goliath couldn't protect me, my guard crumbled once I told someone what happened to me. I was left exposed and vulnerable... Bare bones with no one to comfort me.
I'm now healing the right way. Forgiving the right way. Making decisions the right way. Loving myself the right way. Making peace with the choices and healing the pain. I know I've made mistakes and I know my mind wasn't in the right state back then. Trauma has a way of destroying your life if one doesn't get help, I learnt the hard way. But there were blessings from all of it. I never want to hurt anyone again from my choices. I'm making the necessary behavioral changes to better myself. But my one guilt or regret is hurting him... He didn't deserve it. I surrender forcing him to see my side or trying to get his forgiveness. His healing will be on his time and I have no control of that outcome. I don't give up but I surrender to the back and forth fighting. The daggers get shaper every time and it's draining me dry. I surrender to supporting the process and helping if I can. I surrender by praying for his healing and hoping for the best. I surrender.
Thursday, June 4, 2015
The Absolute Tragedy Of Meeting The Love Of Your Life At The Wrong Time
BY:
Lauren Skirvin in Dating for elitedaily.com
Jun 4, 2015 • 10:09am
Breakups are always hard because you have to mourn someone you loved and lost.
But, time heals everything, and eventually, you’ll meet someone else. Eventually, that former lover will become a distant memory.
But, this kind of breakup is not the same. This breakup happened with a person who, no matter what you do, you cannot get over.
Not a day goes by that this person doesn’t cross your mind and your heart feels heavy.
It’s usually because the relationship is unfinished. But, you can’t tell yourself that, and you certainly can’t believe it because it will literally drive you mad.
So instead, you tell yourself you are fine, and that you can move on. You get pretty close to fooling yourself.
That is, until you hear that song, see that photo, yearn to share something or wake up thinking about him or her.
Then you are right back to square one.
There are so many people who come in and out of your life. Some you date briefly and never give a second thought to, and some you like a lot, but it doesn’t work out.
Then, there are some who crush you, who take months to get over.
But this is different; this is the feeling you get when you know something has to end right now but isn’t over for good.
You can’t just say, “I wish you the best” and move on. You can’t end that chapter because you know you can’t quit them. Not yet, and maybe not ever.
And then, you are thrust into what I like to call “love purgatory.”
It’s a place where you know who the love of your life is, but you aren’t currently together.
Maybe you dated briefly, maybe you had a full-fledged relationship or maybe, you have never been officially together.
The connection with this person is so real and strong and magnetic that you are constantly pulled back. The relationship hasn’t reached its potential yet, so it can’t be over.
In fact, this might be the person you end up with. But, you aren’t together now because of timing, schedules, missed opportunities or blah, blah, blah.
So, you sit in love purgatory, just biding your time until you can both find each other again.
You don’t just sit around and listen to sad music and wait though.
You find distractions and push away what you feel in order to be a sane enough human being to function in life.
You meet other amazing, beautiful people with whom you want to work things out, but it never happens because something is off. He or she just isn’t _____ (fill in the blank with your person).
“She’s not Rachel,” is the famous line from “Friends.”
Although, it actually went more like, “She’s not Rachem,” for laughs. And, that is what this person, who has kept you in love purgatory, makes you feel; no one can ever compare.
Because when you know, you know. That connection comes around once, maybe twice, in a lifetime.
Your friends think you’re crazy, and you yourself feel crazy. Why, in a world full of billions of other people, are you allowing one to keep holding you back. You can’t answer that question.
“The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing.” — Blaise Pascal
Some people meet someone, date, fall in love and live happily ever after.
Many others are not quite so fortunate. Some of us have to fight, breakup, makeup and go through hell with our person until it finally works out.
Maybe the problem is, again, timing. Maybe you have to learn and grow more before you can settle down.
Whatever the problem is, you know that eventually, the two of you will find each other again.
Because like Ross and Rachel, Carrie and Mr. Big, Allie and Noah and all the great love stories from movies and television, there are just some people who you can’t let go of and never will.
But, until you find your way back, you miserably sit in love purgatory, hoping to find someone or something to keep you occupied long enough to not self-destruct.
Some people will be outraged about this and think, “This is not how love is supposed to be,” or, “If you were mature about love it wouldn’t be this hard.”
But I beg to disagree, and would counter with, “How do you know?” Just because things were easy for you doesn’t mean they will be easier for everyone else.
People are very complicated and love is sometimes messy.
If it’s not that way for you, it doesn’t mean it’s wrong. It just means your path was easier.
For those of us currently in love purgatory, we will one day be with our person, too.
*Currently in love purgatory* ->
Until next time:(
Lauren Skirvin in Dating for elitedaily.com
Jun 4, 2015 • 10:09am
Breakups are always hard because you have to mourn someone you loved and lost.
But, time heals everything, and eventually, you’ll meet someone else. Eventually, that former lover will become a distant memory.
But, this kind of breakup is not the same. This breakup happened with a person who, no matter what you do, you cannot get over.
Not a day goes by that this person doesn’t cross your mind and your heart feels heavy.
It’s usually because the relationship is unfinished. But, you can’t tell yourself that, and you certainly can’t believe it because it will literally drive you mad.
So instead, you tell yourself you are fine, and that you can move on. You get pretty close to fooling yourself.
That is, until you hear that song, see that photo, yearn to share something or wake up thinking about him or her.
Then you are right back to square one.
There are so many people who come in and out of your life. Some you date briefly and never give a second thought to, and some you like a lot, but it doesn’t work out.
Then, there are some who crush you, who take months to get over.
But this is different; this is the feeling you get when you know something has to end right now but isn’t over for good.
You can’t just say, “I wish you the best” and move on. You can’t end that chapter because you know you can’t quit them. Not yet, and maybe not ever.
And then, you are thrust into what I like to call “love purgatory.”
It’s a place where you know who the love of your life is, but you aren’t currently together.
Maybe you dated briefly, maybe you had a full-fledged relationship or maybe, you have never been officially together.
The connection with this person is so real and strong and magnetic that you are constantly pulled back. The relationship hasn’t reached its potential yet, so it can’t be over.
In fact, this might be the person you end up with. But, you aren’t together now because of timing, schedules, missed opportunities or blah, blah, blah.
So, you sit in love purgatory, just biding your time until you can both find each other again.
You don’t just sit around and listen to sad music and wait though.
You find distractions and push away what you feel in order to be a sane enough human being to function in life.
You meet other amazing, beautiful people with whom you want to work things out, but it never happens because something is off. He or she just isn’t _____ (fill in the blank with your person).
“She’s not Rachel,” is the famous line from “Friends.”
Although, it actually went more like, “She’s not Rachem,” for laughs. And, that is what this person, who has kept you in love purgatory, makes you feel; no one can ever compare.
Because when you know, you know. That connection comes around once, maybe twice, in a lifetime.
Your friends think you’re crazy, and you yourself feel crazy. Why, in a world full of billions of other people, are you allowing one to keep holding you back. You can’t answer that question.
“The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing.” — Blaise Pascal
Some people meet someone, date, fall in love and live happily ever after.
Many others are not quite so fortunate. Some of us have to fight, breakup, makeup and go through hell with our person until it finally works out.
Maybe the problem is, again, timing. Maybe you have to learn and grow more before you can settle down.
Whatever the problem is, you know that eventually, the two of you will find each other again.
Because like Ross and Rachel, Carrie and Mr. Big, Allie and Noah and all the great love stories from movies and television, there are just some people who you can’t let go of and never will.
But, until you find your way back, you miserably sit in love purgatory, hoping to find someone or something to keep you occupied long enough to not self-destruct.
Some people will be outraged about this and think, “This is not how love is supposed to be,” or, “If you were mature about love it wouldn’t be this hard.”
But I beg to disagree, and would counter with, “How do you know?” Just because things were easy for you doesn’t mean they will be easier for everyone else.
People are very complicated and love is sometimes messy.
If it’s not that way for you, it doesn’t mean it’s wrong. It just means your path was easier.
For those of us currently in love purgatory, we will one day be with our person, too.
*Currently in love purgatory* ->
Until next time:(
Monday, June 1, 2015
In between somewhere and nowhere...
Sometimes it feels like everything is working out... Life is progressing the way it needs to. As If im content with the way my life is heading. Ive been through a bad chapter in life, so... better must be ahead right? Someone recently told me.."today is a step toward a better life because you deserve it". I believe that, I truly do. Unfortunately, other times I feel as if I'm not moving toward my destination but just standing in nowhere zone. Not happy where I'm at because it's not where I want to be. Not really happy or content... Just maintaining in this unbalance. Trying toughly to hold up this 100lbs weight on my shoulders. This pressure and disappointment just weighting on me everyday... And not being able to do anything about it.
I want to be the girl that's smiling because every piece of her life is in place and in order. Not smiling to keep everybody else in better spirits. I want to be able to feel that security of having a stable life where everything makes sense because there's stability. Not hoping that my life will eventually stabilize in due time. I want to be acknowledged for achieving my BA degree. Not wondering how I'm going get through so many classes next semester. I want to be happy about maybe settling down soon and starting a family in the next five years. Not telling myself not to think about it because that aspect of love, marriage & kids isn't looking too bright for me. I want to hold hands and kiss, make silly videos and make love 5 days a week. Yet, I'm constantly horny and celibate. I want to be adventurous and travel but instead I'm becoming more routinely predictable and hoping to have extra cash for winter classes. I want to be more creative and perfect my hobbies but I find myself less motivated by not having the tools I need to create.
I'm a girl full of thoughts, questions, intelligence, humor, love, kindness, sensitivity, memories, pain and hope. That's in search for freedom, creativity, acceptance, peace, harmony, balance, stability, adventure, love, fun, laughter, joy, spontaneous smiles, excitement, balance and greatness. I want to be able to look at myself in a mirror and just smile because I'm blissfully happy. I want to enjoy my day working on something I love or creating something that a piece of me will always exist in. I want to read books, eat healthy & fatty foods, travel the world, crack jokes, try new things, send my mom random cash deposits, have family time, take pictures, laugh unto my belly hurts and be recognized for my works. I want to look a man in his eyes and know that he will be my husband one day... The father to my kids & I want him to know without a shadow of a doubt I will be his wife. For us to be so in love that nothing can come between us... For us to put equal effort in keeping a healthy, balance, fun companionship.
Right now, I just have my fears... The what ifs, when & how's, why not now, that's not fair, I want this and that. The impatience of a normally patience female. At the age where it's not coming fast enough. Thoughts of uncertainty because I want to follow my heart but my mind tells me I could get hurt or fail. Trying to maintain the peace I've made with my past but the past keep trying to be revived in the present. Struggling to stay aware of each present moment while my brain wants to sound the alarm about the future. Forgiving and blaming myself at the same time for choices and mistakes I've made. Healing wounds just to get the bandage ripped off every Monday so it can heal again. Frustrated because I get less effort than I give, somewhat Being taken for granted.
I wish people knew how easily my feelings get hurt from; lack of effort, inconsiderate words, broken promises, unaccountability, name calling, giving me your word and not following through, comparing me... And much more. I get hurt a lot just from being sensitive which is why I'm so understanding to people and try to forgive often. It keeps me sane to remember that people make mistakes because no ones perfect.
I guess as I approach the next decade of my life... I almost feel the time is ticking on my wants. Of course, it's not because it's never to late to change your life. I have so much to be grateful for and to be proud of how far I've come. A lot of people don't get a chance to experience all that life has to offer. Some don't even make it out the womb, while... I'm still breathing. I guess life is meant to be challenging for us to appreciate the journey. Continuously alternating between the good and the bad for us to cherish our happiness. Nothing lasts forever but the key is to create everlasting memories & moments.
I'm growing and I'm aging... I'm scared and I'm fearless... I'm content and I'm uncertain... My future is still being written every day, my past is already recorded history. But this present moment is all I have as I write this blog... In this moment... im filled with gratitude and I know in my heart, everything will be ok.
Until next time:)
Saturday, May 30, 2015
Missing that piece of love...
By @femmehunting
"Growing up I thought being in love was red roses, dates on Saturday night, pretty jewellery, kisses in the rain and boxes that held expensive things. I thought true love was a story with a picture perfect ending. Now that I'm older I realise it's not that at all. True love isn't something you find in a Disney movie.
Being in love is screaming at 5am till you cry out of anger, but knowing they won't leave. It's saying all the wrong things at the wrong moments. It's leaving someone in complete control of your heart. It's sleepless nights and non-stop texting. It's all night phone calls and lame jokes. It's wanting to share every moment with that one person. It's finding yourself awake at 3am craving them asleep next to you. It's being apart and knowing that nothing will change.
It's the small things. It's screaming the lyrics to your favourite song together. It's fights and make up sex. It's hour long showers and breakfast in the morning. It's coffee dates and finding new books to read. It's days full of laughter and tears. It's holding hands and kissing ever so passionately. It's capturing the world's beauty through their eyes. It's finally being able to love yourself as much as that person loves you. Love is the only thing in this world worth fighting for. Being in love will fuck you up in more ways than you can imagine and it's absolutely heart-wrenching, but at the same time it's the most beautiful thing in the world."
I thought the words above expressed Certain elements of being in love... a rollercoaster of feelings and emotions. The act of falling in love and remaining in love is far from perfect, it's a process of trial and error, ups and downs, fights and forgiveness, anger and happiness, war and peace. To be in love is to experience the joy and the pain... A rollercoaster of fear and excitement while surrendering all control once you get on the ride.
No one ever sits you down and explain to you how challenging it can be at times, or how to know when love is worth fighting for. Or how to know when that person is the one? Disney makes love simple, the hero always save the princess but what about the average girl?
Everybody wants and crave love... Unfortunately, not everybody gets it. We may fight against it, for it or give up on love but eventually we will miss it. Love isn't a game and it can break or make you... It will challenge you in more ways than you can imagine and it can make you more better than you could ever dream of. Nothing in this world is more greater than love...love will always make you beg for more. Love may be illogical but it's totally worth the ride.
Missing that piece of love that lifted my face up closely to his and kissed me softly, only stopping so We could whispered "I love you" to each other.
Until next time:)
"Growing up I thought being in love was red roses, dates on Saturday night, pretty jewellery, kisses in the rain and boxes that held expensive things. I thought true love was a story with a picture perfect ending. Now that I'm older I realise it's not that at all. True love isn't something you find in a Disney movie.
Being in love is screaming at 5am till you cry out of anger, but knowing they won't leave. It's saying all the wrong things at the wrong moments. It's leaving someone in complete control of your heart. It's sleepless nights and non-stop texting. It's all night phone calls and lame jokes. It's wanting to share every moment with that one person. It's finding yourself awake at 3am craving them asleep next to you. It's being apart and knowing that nothing will change.
It's the small things. It's screaming the lyrics to your favourite song together. It's fights and make up sex. It's hour long showers and breakfast in the morning. It's coffee dates and finding new books to read. It's days full of laughter and tears. It's holding hands and kissing ever so passionately. It's capturing the world's beauty through their eyes. It's finally being able to love yourself as much as that person loves you. Love is the only thing in this world worth fighting for. Being in love will fuck you up in more ways than you can imagine and it's absolutely heart-wrenching, but at the same time it's the most beautiful thing in the world."
I thought the words above expressed Certain elements of being in love... a rollercoaster of feelings and emotions. The act of falling in love and remaining in love is far from perfect, it's a process of trial and error, ups and downs, fights and forgiveness, anger and happiness, war and peace. To be in love is to experience the joy and the pain... A rollercoaster of fear and excitement while surrendering all control once you get on the ride.
No one ever sits you down and explain to you how challenging it can be at times, or how to know when love is worth fighting for. Or how to know when that person is the one? Disney makes love simple, the hero always save the princess but what about the average girl?
Everybody wants and crave love... Unfortunately, not everybody gets it. We may fight against it, for it or give up on love but eventually we will miss it. Love isn't a game and it can break or make you... It will challenge you in more ways than you can imagine and it can make you more better than you could ever dream of. Nothing in this world is more greater than love...love will always make you beg for more. Love may be illogical but it's totally worth the ride.
Missing that piece of love that lifted my face up closely to his and kissed me softly, only stopping so We could whispered "I love you" to each other.
Until next time:)
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