I heard a great quote that said "losing them hurts... missing them hurts more... wanting them back kills you." Sometimes it's extremely hard to move on and accept how things are. Sometimes getting your heart broken is unexpected and catches you off guard. Nothing can amount to the pain of a heart that's been ripped out of your chest cavity. The pain of loving someone and losing them from lies and hidden agendas. Everything around you triggers a memory or tears start flowing because of a melody. You still feel the aching sensation in your chest from your barely healed heart. You cry sometimes when you think about why it couldn't last. While wishing to know the answer to do they still think about you. You wish things would've turned out differently and you wasn't the one left in the end. You walk around everyday smiling to shield the missing part you feel inside. No amount of "you deserve better" can take away the happiness you once felt.
You still hope to see their face. You can still feel the kisses. The lovemaking still remains embedded in you head. Your dreams still make them alive and present in your life. You still want to see or talk to them through your suffering. You want to hate them but you can't.
Now if you know the reason they are gone because of your web of lies and "pimping ain't easy" ways. You just lost what was good and you feeling it, no one to blame but yourself. Learn and be better and do better next time. Everybody who didn't deserve it....
You were in love.... yes you were. But with a fantasy and not the reality. You were in love with what you wanted to see in front of you, not the truth that was surrounding you. You knew somewhere when the love first started, something was off or it was too good to be true. You knew there was something unspoken but didn't press to know. Your instincts was running wild but you decided to turn it off. I'm not saying it's your fault because it's not. But somewhere in your mind, heart or being knew something was off.
Being in love with a imaginary concept is dangerous. Being stuck in a realm of lies can make you rationalize it into love. Fairy tales are just that.... it's make believe. For example: sleeping beauty was a story about a prince raping her while she was unconscious and awakening to never know who did it. But that was transform into a love story for children. We have to start paying attention to the signs and stop trying to make our own love stories. We have to wake up and literally smell the coffee before it's confused with a Italian cappuccino.
How to heal what is broken? You really can't. It has happen there's no do overs. If you've fallen head over heels for the wrong person and it ended bad. Your feelings will reflect just that. Nothing can change that but new love and lots of time. Being lonely will only intensify the aching and over busy schedules will just delay it momentary. You have to rebuild your heart from the inside. Accept the outcome and stop the "what if" moments. You deserved better, that's what you've gotten (they're not in your life anymore) and you will get it (your real somebody) once you are over the past. Looking toward the future will ease the pain and give you hope that a better clarified relationship is in the works for you. A better foundation, a better love, a better experience:)
Until next time:)
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